Dear Aidan, Day 15 (Lalibela, Genna)

Saturday, January 5, 2013

Dear Aidan,

In less than 48 hours, you’ll be in my arms again!  I can’t even imagine having to wait 6-8 weeks for the US Embassy to clear our adoption in order to hold you!  10 days has been long enough!  How has your day been?  We’ve heard there are a few families staying at the guesthouse, so maybe you’ve seen some friends tour the foster home!  Hopefully you are well and getting lots of sleep in preparation for our return to Addis!

Today was another great day!  I am truly exhausted and lying in bed feels amazing!  Dad and I woke up early to get ready for the day- around 6AM!  Our hotel still didn’t have water as the city is having a water shortage, let alone with all of the pilgrims here.  After we were ready, we had a delicious breakfast of tea, toast, scrambled eggs and French toast.  The French toast is different than the toast I make.  It’s still bread soaked in eggs, but it’s deep friend instead of cooked on a griddle.  Early in the morning, it tastes wonderful!  After breakfast, Dad and I began walking into town where we were to meet Addis, our guide.

The pilgrims were already up early walking towards the churches.  This morning, there were an especially large number of animals being brought to the town as well.  They were all going to the Christmas market to be sold as fasting ends on Christmas Day (Genna, January 7).  There were even more people out and about today than there was yesterday!  After meeting Addis at the city center, which lies up a very large hill at around 2,600m, we sat down for coffee.  The coffee here still amazes me in that I actually like it if a lot of sugar is added!  I’m not sure you’ll ever see me drinking coffee outside of Ethiopia!  Addis explained that he needed to go the airport, and that his friend would be our guide for the day.  We met up with Yelmo, his friend, who would guide us on our hike.

This morning, Dad and I hiked to 10,165 feet!  There is a large mountain to the east of Lalibela that has 2 old monasteries and a church on top.  It is very popular for pilgrims to climb so we decided to try it!  Many “faranji” (foreigners) ride on mules to the top.  We walked/hiked/climbed!  As such, all of the locals were surprised, and happy, to see Dad and I walking/huffing-and-puffing our way to the top!  The hike was 14 km round trip and the first half was quite the climb!  There were a lot of switchbacks on rocky soil.  I definitely felt the elevation!  There were hundreds of pilgrims on the mountain, and many passed us!  Yes, we were slow compared to the locals!  They are amazing!  There were even goats, sheep and many large cows and bulls that were climbing the mountain or coming down for market!  We had to be fast to get out of the way! 

 

It’s funny because when Dad was in Nepal in November 2011, he went on a hike with his team in the Annapurna Mountains.  His goal in some of the highest mountains in the world was to climb above 10,000 feet.  However, they had to turn around just short of that.  Today, your Dad brought his GPS with him (no surprise there)!  At the top, it was clear we had climbed above 10,000 feet- in Ethiopia!  How amazing!

Dad and I practiced our Amharic!  Every time we said “Salam,” “Salam-no,” or some other words, the locals smiled.  Some even laughed.  Many thought Dad was fluent in Amharic and tried talking to him.  Our guide was impressed and said that the locals loved that we were trying!  We loved making them smile and feeling connected to them!

After our travels in Ethiopia, we were actually able to determine where certain people were from based upon their hair styles- well, the women at least!  Women from Axum/Tigray often had the front half of their hair braided back, and the rest left natural, but cut short.  Women from Addis were a bit more fashionable.  And women from the local area had complete shawls on and short hair.  Many local women from Lalibela wore green dresses with white buttons- the traditional dress of the area.  About ½ of the people had shoes, the others did the climb barefoot!  I was very impressed!

Along the way, we stopped to take hundreds of pictures.  The landscape and mountains were gorgeous!  It was wonderful to see the town of Lalibela below with her churches!  We also walked through many local villages and made friends with children!  The locals on the mountain live in round huts made of sticks with thatched roofs- tukuls.  This was a different design of house than what we’ve seen previously!

Once we reached the top, we saw the Ashetan Maryam monastery.  This was carved into the mountainside for a way for priests and Christians to be “closer to God and heaven.”  Heaven it was!  King Lalibela was believed to have commissioned the monastery.  Inside the monastery, we saw the monastery’s gold Cross of Lalibela, as well as Axum.  From the monastery, we climbed up even further into a small cave/alley to the top.  Up here, we observed the church on top of the mountain!  There were many priests and monks!  We were even able to have our picture taken with some!

The way down from the monastery was scary- it was loose dirt and rocks.  Dad and I went slow and many locals passed us!  Many came down singing and chanting with clapping rhythms!  Groups of 20 people or more would sing their songs!  I purchased some cloth dolls made by local girls.  These will be for you to play with!  I loved them!

Once we reached the bottom of the mountain and were back in Lalibela, we set off to meet up with Addis.  We thanked our guide and headed towards the Christmas market.  Lalibela was very crowded by now, so we walked slowly down the gravel and rocky streets.  The market was unbelievably crowded with people buying and selling everything!  Addis was our loyal guide and I followed your Dad by holding onto his shirt.  We saw people selling pots and pans, eating utensils, clothing including shirts that said “Obama”, fruits like oranges and lemons, and vegetables like tomatoes and onions.  At the bottom of the market was the animal section, where goats, sheep, cows and donkeys were for sale.  It was very chaotic but amazing to see! 

After the market, we headed back to our hotel for lunch.  We had a delicious lunch of pasta, French fries and beef fingers!  It was perfect after our long day of hiking!  Our hotel had water, so we took advantage of it by having hot showers.  Then, we got dressed again and ready for the afternoon!

We were met outside our hotel by our guide assistant.  For each church, we are required to take off our shoes.  We hired an assistant to watch our shoes to make sure that they weren’t stolen.  As a bonus, he brought our shoes to the door we exited out of- quite the touch!  We walked through another market to the southern group of churches.  There were 5 more churches to see and Addis was there waiting!

The first church was Bet Gabriel-Rufael, a set of twin churches that are connected.  The entrance to this church was through an alleyway carved into the rock earth that opened up into a very large area.  The church is extremely tall and has a silver-colored rock roof that’s called the “Way to Heaven.”  The entrance was via a bridge at the top story of the church, which was different from the other churches which have entrances on “ground” level.  It is possible that this church was made for Askumite royality in the 8^th Century…maybe there was more than one king around Lalibela for some time!  Bet Rufael’s roof collapsed, and so services are not held there anymore.  Below the 2 churches are buried rooms…rooms below the churches already underground!

The next church was Bet Merkorios.  There is a long, very dark and narrow tunnel from Bet Garbriel to Bet Merkorios.  It is nicknamed, “Hell.”  Due to the crowds, we didn’t access the tunnel today…maybe tomorrow.  Much of the roof of Bet Merkorios collapsed about 100 years ago.  75 years ago, much of the church was restored.  However, there was barbed wire surrounding parts of the roof to prevent people from walking on it…just in case!  There is rumor that this church, at first, wasn’t a church at all!  It may have been a prison or a courthouse as chains and shackles were found.  But maybe people were devote followers as well…who knows!

Inside this church, we saw many old paintings.  One of the paintings was from the 15^th Century and depicted the 3 wisemen, one of which was from Ethiopia!  There was also a painting showing the 12 apostoles, as well as the stations of the cross.  These paintings were painted on cotton fabric, and were attached to the walls with mud, straw and ox blood!

Next, we visited Bet Amanuel.  The entrance to this church was through many alley-ways, stair cases and tunnels carved into the stone earth.  Without Addis, we would have been lost!  This church may have been the private chapel for King Lalibela’s family.  King Lalibela wanted the church to resemble churches in Askum, which are made of rock and wood.  The rock of this church was carved so that the texture looks like rock and wood in alternating layers- amazing!  There is an upstairs section of the church that was closed off.  Under the church, there are 3 tunnels that lead to the other churches!  Along the wall outside of the church, there were many graves of pilgrims.  There were also very deep tunnels for monks and nuns (“hermits”) to live back when the church was first built.  Additionally, one of the walls has a beehive!  This is in honor of King Lalibela- the “honey eater.”  To this day, it is believed that honey produced in churches has special healing powers!

The last church of the day, and of Lalibela, was Bet Abba Libanos.  This church was very unique in that it is made of 2 parts!  The ceiling and floor are the same stone that were carved hollow.  The church itself is of a different stone, so the church is called a hypogeous church.  The church is made to look like it is a small neck supporting a large head with a crown of thorns like the one Jesus wore.  As such, the floor and ceiling are much larger than the church.  Another unique thing about this church is the story.  Although angels are rumored to have helped with the other churches, they really helped with this one!  King Lalibela’s wife, Meskel Kebra, built this church with the help of many other women.  No men were allowed!  But the amazing legend is that they built this church in 24 hours!  Men claim angels must have helped!  Women claim they did it on their own!  :)

After this last church, we climbed to a look-out point where we could see all 11 churches and the Christmas market.  After taking in these sites, we thanked Addis for all of his help and for being an amazing guide!  We headed back to the market for some shopping!  I bought a reusable bag made from a concrete bag that has Amharic on it.  We also bought scarves for our family.  For you, we bought a scarf that is green, white, yellow and red- the colors of the Ethiopian flag.  We also bought a beautiful blanket!

We then made our way back to our hotel where we sat down outside for some dinner.  We at popcorn (part of a coffee ceremony) and fasting food.  After dinner, we retired to our room.

As I sit here, there is a priest below giving a sermon over a microphone.  The house next door has the voices of happy families chatting and a sheep baying very loudly.  It was purchased today for the feast to come!  This city is still very lively!

Tomorrow will be a very crowded but fascinating day!  Then after tomorrow, we’ll be back in Addis with you!  Oh, how I can’t wait!

Sweet dreams Aidan Bedassa! 

Love,

Mom

Dear Aidan, Day 14 (Lalibela, Genna)

Friday, January 4, 2013

Dear Aidan!

I hope you had a fantastic day today!  What did you do?  Did you play with your friends and all the toys?  Take good naps?  I wish I could see you everyday and watch you grow.  Although I’m not with you, I’m very grateful that Dad and I decided to take this trip.  Today has been one of the best days yet!  I know tomorrow will be even better!

As I write about today, I’m sitting out on our hotel’s balcony.  It’s overlooking the valley below and the mountains in the distance.  The sun just set.  There are children next-door playing games and singing/chanting songs.  Below, there is a large family building a fire.  There are also a few sheep “Baaa”ing in the distance.  It’s a perfect setting!

This morning, we woke up and much to our great surprise, we had hot water with high water pressure!  I had the best shower I had had in about 4 days.  I was grateful.  We were ready by around 7AM and ordered a quick breakfast of homemade bread from the hotel’s restaurant for a whopping 3 birr (15 cents).  The bread here is wonderful- it’s almost like French bread, but round- crunchy on the outside and soft on the inside.  We took a shuttle to the airport.  After checking in, we had a second breakfast of eggs, bread and tea.  Our flight was about 30 minutes late, but when it landed, we quickly boarded the plane.  We had a 30-minute flight from Axum to Lalibela, our last stop on our journey.

Our plane landed on a gravel runway!  Upon arrival, we were greeted by the hotel we were staying at.  On January 7^th, Ethiopia celebrates their Christmas- Genna.  This is one of the biggest Christian holidays and Lalibela is one of the best places to partake in this celebration.  We are so lucky we’re here for this event!  The airport is about 25km from the city, and we had a beautiful drive through the country!  The town of Lalibela is around 2,600 meters high around a mountain!

Our hotel is beautiful- it’s overlooking the valley below.  We have a nice, very soft bed, a very clean bathroom and great food!  I’m grateful we were able to find this hotel online as so many hotels were booked because of the holiday!  After we checked in, we met with our tour guide, Addis.  We agreed on the itinerary for the next 3 days.  We were so excited to set off and see the amazing churches this city has to offer.

We began our day around noon and started walking towards the rock-hewn churches.  The churches in this town do not stand tall above the earth like most churches.  Instead, the citizens of Lalibellia dug deep into the ground and carved the churches out of rock.  As such, you only see the top of the church at ground level when you’re walking.  To get into the churches, you must either climb down stairs or go through sloping alleyways carved through the stone.  

These churches were carved about 800-900 years ago and they supposedly took a total of 23 years to complete.  There are 11 churches in total that are carved into the rock and they all have their own story and purpose.  King Lalibela, who was a priest and King of Lalibela, the capital of Ethiopia, wanted to give his people their own Jerusalem.  Well, the real legend states that he was poisoned by his brother and was in a coma.  During his coma, he went on a journey to heaven or Jerusalem (the debate’s still out).  While on his journey, God told him to build the holy city of Jerusalem in Ethiopia.  That way, Ethiopians would not longer have to pilgrimage to Jerusalem for religious events.  The names around Lalibela take after names in Jerusalem!  King Lalibela carved a River Jordan through the rock, and there is a Tomb of Adam and a Calvary mountain!

The local legend states that initially, King Lalibellia started to build his churches high on a nearby mountain, about 12,000 feet high.  He wanted to carve his churches in rock and thought that the mountaintop was the best.  However, right after he started, God told him to “Stop!” and wait for a sign for where to build the churches.  Below, further down the mountain, King Lalibellia saw a ray of light hitting the earth.  The earth was farmland owned by a local woman.  Seeing this as his sign, King Lalibellia purchased the land from the woman for 40 cows.  He didn’t believe thick rock lay below the farmland, but after the soil was removed, rock was found. 

Lalibela was initially called Roha, which was the capital of Ethiopia.  However, after King Lalibela died, the city’s name was changed in honor of the king who created the churches for the people of Ethiopia.  We asked about the name, “Lalibela,” today.  “Lali” in Amharic means “honey” and “bela” means to eat.  It is said that when King Lalibela was a baby, his mother found him surrounded by bees.  She was terrified that the bees would sting her baby son.  But when she looked closer, she found that her son was fine and was actually eating the honey from the bees!  And so, his earned the name, “Honey Eater.”  To this day, Lalibela is famous for its bees and honey, which your Dad loves to eat!  It’s thicker than the honey we’re used to, and it’s not refined or pasteurized.  Some of it actually has specks of honeycomb in it, but it sure is fresh!

How were the churches made?  Western scholars estimate that in order to build these churches, 40,000 people would have been needed and the construction would have spanned more than 23-year years.  The people in the 12^th and 13^th Centuries only used hammers, chisels and curved sharp objects for filing stone to create the churches!  However, Ethiopians believe differently.  When asked, any Ethiopian Christian will say that the churches were built by angels.  They say that building the churches at such speed, and with such craftsmanship and precision, would have been impossible to have been done by humans alone.  God sent his angels to help create the churches, and they added their angelic perfection to them all!

The first set of churches we saw were the northwestern churches.  The first church was HUGE: Bet Medhane Alem.  This church is the largest rock-hewn church in the world, as it is over 33 meters long and 11 meters high!  The top of the church is covered in designs.  However, due to rainwater and damage, UNESCO constructed a large covering over the church to protect it for years to come!  The design of this church may have been a replica of the original St. Mary’s Church of Zion in Axum, where the Arc of the Covenant is rumored to be located.  The outside of the church is supported by 34 large columns, many of which are still standing today.  Inside the church, there are 3 empty graves carved into the stone.  These are made to resemble the graves of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob.  In these graves lies a piece of wood.  People in the church will touch the wood believing that it will save them.  There are 3 doors, 1 on each side of the church: 1 for men, 1 for women and 1 for the priests.  Inside the church, each group sits separately in rows marked by arches in the ceiling.  The priests’ row has the highest ceiling.

A very large, 7kg gold Lalibela cross (the cross King Lalibela had) was found in one of the pillars in the church.  This is one of the most holy objects in Ethiopia.  Once weekly, it is taken out of a vault for locals to see.  Foreigners are no longer allowed to see the cross.  Why?  In 1997, the cross was stolen and purchased by a Belgium tourist for about $25,000.00.  The cross has since been returned.  Who would ever return that cross?  Locals say that the Belgium man tried melting the cross into pure gold.  But as the cross came from God, the cross wouldn’t melt like normal gold.  Realizing this, the cross was returned to Ethiopia, even furthering the belief that it is special gold!

The second church we saw was for the Virgin Mary, or St. Mary (“Sainty Mary” in local pronunciation) as she is known in Ethiopia.  Bet Maryam is one of the most popular churches and is believed to be one of the first churches carved.  It is attached to Bet Medhane and access is through a small tunnel carved through the stone.  Outside this church is a 10m deep pool.  This is the fertility well.  Women who couldn’t bear children would “swim” in this well.  But since they couldn’t swim 850 years ago, the husbands would tie their wives to a rope and dunk them 3 times!  This was meant to cure women of infertility.  Dad asked if men ever went in the well for their fertility issues, and we were told, “No!” 

On the outside of the church are carvings that represent Jesus and the 2 criminals he was crucified with.  The criminal to his right went to Hell as he was a sinner and the criminal to his left went to heaven as he asked forgiveness for his sins.  These are depicted in the carvings by up and down arrows.  On the other side is a carving of St. George, the patron saint of Ethiopia, fighting a dragon.  Inside the church, there are beautiful carvings and paintings on the walls.  The walls were wrapped with cotton, and then painted.  Many of these paintings are falling apart, but they’re still beautiful to see!  The paintings and carvings include plants and animals.  Inside the church is a column wrapped in white cloth.  It is said that this column is wrapped in cloth because the column itself was made by God.  The location of the column is the exact location where the ray of light hit that informed King Lalibela where to build his churches.  Local legend is fact in Ethiopia!

Next to this church lie 4 other churches that are much smaller: Bet Meskel, Bet Danaghel, Bet Golgotha, and Bet Mikael and Selassie Chapel.  These churches are all connected through alleyways and carvings.  There are also churches carved an entire level above other churches!  We climbed through elevated tunnels and down staircases!  King Lalibela is believed to have his tomb in Bet Golgotha.  Visiting his tomb is said to ensure your place in heaven!  The model of the Tomb of Adam is located outside of Bet Golgotha as well!  

In between visiting these churches, we ate a local lunch with our guide.  We sat outside and enjoyed traditional fasting food: vegan food.  In 3 days, Ethiopian Orthodox Christians will be able to eat animal products- until then, they “fast.”  In fact, many of the Christians that attend church fast all day, only eating at night!  Our meal was delicious and we enjoyed the injera!   The bill for 3 people, 2 cokes and 1 beer was only 54 birr…$3.00!  Of course, Dad and I left a very large tip!

After lunch, we visited the Lalibela museum.  Here, we saw many historic pieces from King Lalibela and his descendents, including their crowns.  Lalibela was Ethiopia’s capital for almost 300 years, and had 11 kings, 3 of which were also priests (“priest-tis” as pronounced here).  We saw many old bibles written in Ge’ez, as well as holy crosses.  We also saw many objects that belonged to King Haile.

The last church we visited for the day was the Church of St. George, or Bet Giyorgis.  Remember, he’s the patron saint of Ethiopia!  This was the last, and most perfect church that was built in Lalibela!  Without a doubt, it is the most beautiful church your Dad and I have ever seen!  Legend has it that when King Lalibela was almost done with his churches,  St. George arrived unexpectedly to visit on a white horse.  Although he loved the churches, he was annoyed that none of the churches had been named in honor of him.  In an effort to apologize, King Lalibela began to make the most beautiful church of all in honor of St. George.  On the trenched alleyway leading down to the church, there are 3-4 inch wide indents in the wall.  It is said that these are the hoof prints of St. George’s horse, which always remain to remind the city of St. George!  Dad and I actually climbed out of the alleyway on these “hoofprints!”

The Church of St. George is beautiful!  It is in the shape of a cross, and as it was carved with drainage systems, it does not need to be covered.  It is about 15 meters high and has 3 sections.  Each section is designed to represent a part of Noah’s ark: the bottom deck with closed windows for the large animals, the middle deck without windows for the small animals, and the upper deck for Noah’s family with large windows.  The church is also wider at the bottom than it is at the top, which provides stability!  Outside the church in the walls are caves with many dead bodies- some of which are over 500 years old!  They’re almost mummified, but remain there as the followers’ final resting place.  Inside the church is a very large box with 2 large wooden screws on the top keeping it closed.  It is said that because this was King Lalibela’s last church, he decided to leave his box  of tools inside the church, where they remain today!

Around all of the churches are holes carved in the rock.  These were for monks and nuns 800 years ago and are where they lived.  Today, in preparation for Genna, these small holes are occupied by pilgrims who are choosing to live in them for the religious celebration!  It is estimated that close to 60,000 people pilgrimage to Lalibelia for Genna every year.  Many stay with family, others in hotels.  However, the majority live on the roads and in the areas around the church.  They bring food and water.  Some bring blankets and other items to sleep on.  Most sleep on the ground or on plastic tarps.  There is an entire market called the Christmas Market set up for the pilgrims on the hillside.  The market sells everything from animals such as goats and donkeys, to clothes and food.  ALL the pilgrim women wear white dresses with large white scarves covering their heads and shoulders.  ALL the pilgrim men wear large white scarves draped over their shoulders.  Most do not wear shoes, and many do not have shoes!  It is truly a site to see!

After seeing our last church for the day, Dad and I went back to the hotel.  We bought a few souvenirs for our family, and a cute Ethiopia hat for you!  We ordered dinner in the room and enjoyed the sunset on the balcony!  Dad is studying Thai right now and I just finished this letter!

Sweet dreams little one!  I love you more and more everyday!  Watching your videos and looking at your pictures makes me smile while remembering just how perfect and dang cute you are!  I can’t wait to hold you again- only 3 more days!

All my love!

Love,

Mom

Sometimes, It Takes A Village...

In many regions around the world, there is a saying, "It Takes A Village to Raise a Child."  This phrase incorporates family support, community involvement and resource sharing.  We have witnessed this here in Thailand (and other parts of Asia), as well as Africa (especially in Ethiopia).

In the U.S., our lifestyles have slowly removed us from this concept.  Rather than a village, our child-rearing is focused around immediate family and friends, which fits nicely into our crazy, productive, always-moving American ways (I argue that below the surface, we still utilize the power of a village for child-rearing).  For the most part in Thailand, this is how Ron and I raise Aidan- with our immediate family and friends- and how we'll raise our two daughters when they come home.

But, with our daughters, it may require a village...

Ron and I have been truly blessed with stable jobs.  As Ron is in the Army, we are fully supported here in Thailand.  I have been fortunate enough to obtain a part-time job at the U.S. Consulate.  Moving to Thailand, we took a large family pay-cut as I cannot practice as a veterinarian here and had to get creative with what I could do.  Of course, we also decided to adopt 3 children while in Thailand as well...

We were fortunate with Aidan's adoption that we were able to pay for the entirety ourselves.  Although I won't include exact numbers, the final price including travel, adoption fees, foster home fees, guest house fees and post-placement reports teeters around 3/4 of my annual salary here in Thailand.  To do this, we budgeted our money, cancelled our cable, reduced our Internet speed, ate as locally as possible, avoided extravagant travel, and lived as simply as possible.

Then we decided to adopt again.  Before doing so, we completed our family budget for the next 2-years before finally committing to adopting again.  At the time, we had decided to adopt 2 more babies from Ethiopia, and had all the fees accounted for (essentially a year's worth of my earnings in Thailand).  But then we decided to adopt older girls...

For this adoption, the fees, post-placement reports, HomeStudy and guest house expenses are the same.  So we're covered in almost all aspects.  All but one...travel.  Since we are adopting 2 older children, we no longer can fly with them on our lap, as infants, with inexpensive infant tickets.  Instead, we must pay for 2 additional airline tickets- and those tickets must bring our girls from Addis Ababa to Washington D.C to Bangkok: 3/4 of the way around the world.  And unfortunately, these tickets aren't cheap.  $2,500/child - not cheap.

On top of this, we have other expense for the girls' arrival- clothing, furniture/bedding (we can't reuse Aidan's crib for them), and college savings (YIKES).

So what are we going to do?

In this case, we're asking our village- our family and friends- to help us bring our girls home.

We have a 500-piece puzzle of a painted map of Ethiopia (shown below). We are asking family and friends to consider donating $10.00 (or more) to help us bring our girls home FOREVER.  For every $10.00 donated, we will write your name and brief message on the back of a puzzle piece.  Our hope is to have each puzzle piece sponsored- $5,000 raised (the cost of airfare to bring our girls home)- by our village.  The competed puzzle will be hung in our girls' room, where they will be reminded that although Ethiopia and America are rather different- somethings are the same...we utilize the power of family, friendships and community to love and support children.

To most, $10.00 doesn't seem like much.  It's about 3-4 cups of coffee at Starbucks or a lunch out at a local restaurant.  But when $10.00 combines with 499 other $10.00's, that's significant, and great things can be done- like bringing two older orphans home FOREVER.

I wish I could say I was going to be running a marathon to raise this money- but I'm not.
I wish I could say that God called us to adopt and we have our church to support us- but I'm not (and we don't).  Humanity "called" us to adopt...
I wish I could say that I found a second job here in Thailand to cover the fees, but I haven't.

But what I can say is that Ron and I are adopting two of the most amazing, beautiful girls from Ethiopia.  I can say that for the rest of my life, I will spend every waking moment supporting these girls, ensuring they have everything they need, loving them until my heart is ready to burst, and nurturing them to slowly overcome their loss and grief that no human, let alone child, should ever have to experience EVER in life.

Our marathon will begin when our daughters come home.
Our "calling" will continue as we embrace the human spirit and the strength of humanity.
And I will continue to work, wherever and however I can to help provide for my family.

From the bottom of our hearts, Ron and I thank you for being part of our village- our family and friends.
We thank you for helping us bring our daughters home.
And we thank you for being constant reminders that the beauty of humanity can be found everywhere, in everyone we know.

Donations can be made on the PayPal link found in the top right corner of this page.

The Joy of Parenting An Adopted Child

I want to start off by saying that when Ron and I talk about Aidan, we say he's "our son"...."he's our child."  We never refer to Aidan as an adopted child, although we readily acknowledge and embrace that he is adopted.  For the theme of this post, I am recognizing Aidan as that...he is adopted, and he is our beloved son.

Listening to friends and family talk about babies, the conversation of which parent the baby looks like almost always comes up.  When looking at a friend's child, I can't help but notice that the child has my friend's eyes, their dad's nose, and so and so's such and such.  It's what we do.  We find similarities of our friends and family in their children.  Some of my friends take pride that their child is a mini-me of them- identical, except a generation apart.  Other friends wonder where their child's appearance came from, as they don't look like either parent.  Regardless of the similarities or differences, we're always looking for glimpses of others in their children.

Adopted children are different.  Aidan does not share Ron's or my genes.  We do not have the same genotype, let along phenotype.  We are completely and utterly different.  And I LOVE THAT!  When I look at Aidan, I am not looking at glimpses of Ron or I.  I am looking at just Aidan- the unique little individual that he is.  And so much is a mystery that it's fascinating!

Yes, when I look at Aidan, I see his birth mother, my Ethiopian angel.  He has her striking appearance and marble-like, glistening, beyond gorgeous eyes.  I have her image, her smile, her eyes and her gentle presence forever engrained in my heart (and in many pictures and video).  We share the same son, but with different stories and roles as his mother.  I never want to forget (or ignore) that Aidan does share many of the same characteristics as my angel because she deserves that recognition (and so much more).  But when I look at Aidan, there's much I don't know.

And there's joy in that.  Looking at Aidan, I see him for exactly for who he is- as his little, crazy, hilarious, non-stop self.  He's Aidan.  Everyday, I look at him in awe.  Everyday, I watch him in awe.  I always wonder, "Where did he get that look?"  "Who in his biological family had which trait?"  Although I realize we may never know many of my questions, there's beauty in the unknown.  Not knowing makes me appreciate Aidan just the way he is!

Does Aidan do things that remind me of Ron or I?  Absolutely!  I joke that he is Ron's mini-me.  Aidan is at the stage where he worships Ron- everything Ron does, Aidan wants/needs to do, too.  It kills me with extreme cuteness!  Aidan says things that we say.  He looks at things the way we look.  And I know as he gets older, he will act more and more like Ron and I.  And there's beauty in that, too.  There's beauty in sharing your life with a child, bonding to them, and influencing their lives.  So Ron and I will always see ourselves in Aidan.

But when we look at him- really look at him- I don't see me, and I don't see Ron, and I don't see anyone from our extended families.  All I see is the most perfect little person.  I marvel in that!

In adoption, there is so much that is unknown.  There are so many questions, and never enough answers.  Very often, the unknown is the "ugly" side of adoption as the questions burn and the lack of answers ache.  But in this case, the unknown is truly wonderful.  When I look at Aidan, I don't see the known or unknown...I watch him with amazement as I watch moment by moment unfold as I learn more and more about who Aidan, the individual, is.  It's refreshing, astounding and truly incredible- a fantastic way to parent my perfect little person! :)

Questions And (maybe) Some Answers

I've read a number of adoption blogs over the past year, and one of the things I have liked reading the most are "Question and Answer" sections.  I haven't really tried this, but I thought this would be a good time to give it a go- especially at this point of our adoption.  As always, I'll try being open and honest, even it it means discussing sensitive topics.

Now that you have decided on the girls, what's next?
Right now, the girls' files are "put aside" for us while we try to hurry-up and get our paperwork done!  Ron and I have been working on collecting all of the documents needed for our HomeStudy and Dossier.  They are getting notarized and copied (and copies of the copies).  We have our marriage certificate, birth certificates, letters of recommendations, bank statements, financial statements, house deeds, employment letters, medical letters, statement of purpose, letters to the orphanages, family pictures, criminal background checks, etc....

In 2 weeks, our social worker is flying in from Bangkok to finish our HomeStudy interviews.  After that, she'll write our HomeStudy.  Once that is done, we'll turn it into the USCIS office in Bangkok, and wait for their approval.  Luckily, the USCIS in Bangkok was willing to have us complete our fingerprints in June when we turned in our initial application form (I-600A).  IF all goes well, our Dossier may be ready to be mailed to the US the first week in September!  Our fingers are crossed that this will work out!

What about the girls?  Where are they?  What's next for them?
Our girls are currently at their orphanage.  As of now, they haven't been informed we're going to adopt them.  Our agency is going to wait until our paperwork is in Ethiopia to let them know.  As the girls are older and understand adoption, our agency only wants to tell them when they are sure it will work out.  That way, the girls don't have to endure any more than they have already.  Once the girls know about us, then we'll work with other families traveling to Ethiopia to send the girls care packages, letters and recorded messages from us.


How long will it be until you travel to court?
This is a good question, and one we are interested in seeing the actual answer to!  On September 1, Ethiopia and the USCIS are implementing a new system in Ethiopia- the PAIR process.  During this process, the USCIS will do a preliminary investigation of orphan status before a family and child can be submitted to court.  This process will take 8-12 weeks.  Once the PAIR process is complete, we will have a preliminary approval letter from USCIS that will be submitted to court with our case.  This PAIR process adds more time to the adoption process, BUT it will help ensure that adoptions in Ethiopia are ethical and that the children being adopted our TRUE orphans.

Right now, we're hoping for the following (these are VERY conservative estimates- anything faster than this will be a true blessing):
October 1: Dossier in the US
October 15: Dossier in DC for authentication
November 1: Dossier in Ethiopia
November 15: Dossier registered in Ethiopia.  OFFICIALLY paired with the girls
November 30: PAIR process begins
March 1: PAIR process ends, submitted to court
April 1: Birth family/finder court dates
May 1: Our court date (1st trip)
June 1-15: Embassy clearance (2nd trip)- BRING THE GIRLS HOME!

Again, anything less than this will be a blessing.  At this time, we're hoping to have the girls home next summer- about 10 months from now!  WOW- that seems FAR AWAY!


Is it easier to adopt again after you already adopted?
Yes and No.  Here are the reasons:

YES:  We've been through the process once, so we know (kind of) what to expect.  We know what the waiting feels like, the unknown, the mystery, the anxiety, and the hopelessness at times.  We've already have done the paperwork once, we we know what to do.  And some of the paperwork we don't have to redo.  I'm not as emotional this time around as I know what we're getting into and can prepare myself more.  That said, each adoption is different....

NO: We still have to do all of the same paperwork again.  We still have to wait, be patient, and trust.  We still need to travel 2 times and have faith that things will work out in Ethiopia.  My heart is still torn as I have 2 dear daughters on the other side of the world without me right now.  That is NEVER easy!


Does a second adoption cost less?
Unfortunately, No.  As Ron and I finished Aidan's adoption, we have to start all over again.  However, adopting 2 children at once is much more cost efficient than adopting 2 children at different times (a difference of $5,000 rather than $14,000).  Many of the fees we pay cover both children.  However, we are still budgeting our money and saving whatever we can to cover the cost of this adoption.  We are truly blessed in that we both have stable jobs and a life that enables us to cover the cost of the adoption.  We have, and will continue to, make sacrifices.  We don't have cable TV.  We eat locally at inexpensive Thai restaurants ($1.00/meal).  We rarely run the AC (even in Thailand where the average temperature is 85 degrees year round) to save on electricity.  We carpool where we can.  We shop at thrift shops for toys, books and clothes.  And we try not to spend that much on "extra" things.  Over the course of this past year, we have been able to save enough to cover the cost of this adoption, with the help of family as well.  We realize how lucky we are in this category, and will continue to save money where we can for our future adoption expenses, such as travel.

However, as we are adopting 2 older children, we will have extra funding to find.  As our girls aren't infants, we'll have to pay for their plane tickets from Ethiopia to the US, and then to Thailand.  We also have been asked to help pay for our girls' school, and may be paying for their stay at the foster home if they move from the orphanage.  This will be an extra $5,000-$10,000 or so- and is one we may try fundraising for.  Regardless, we'll keep on saving and budgeting!


Are there any funding options available?
YES!  There are amazing grants, interest-free loans, donations and tax-credits available to those who adopt.  With Aidan's adoption, we decided not to apply for any grants as we were blessed to have the resources to fund our adoption, and did not want to take those funds away from a family in need- and thus preventing another child from getting a home.  The same is true for this adoption.  We thoroughly hope that the grants available continue to go to those families in need of financial assistance so that they can adopt a child in need and make ONE LESS orphan in this world!  Applying for grants and receiving that extra money would be a huge help, but we know others need it more than we do, so we're not pursuing that route. 

This year, Congress passed a tax law that made the adoption tax credit permanent.  For families adopting, there is about a $12,000 NON-REFUNDABLE tax credit available that can be claimed for up to 5 years after an adoption is finalized.  Although this isn't a lump-sum of money, over the course of 5-years, will will be able to receive about $36,000 back in taxes for our 3 adoptions, which is very significant.  When all is said and done, the cost we paid upfront for our adoptions will essentially be refunded in taxes, which is AMAZING!  Let me say that again- AMAZING!!!!!!!!!

The U.S. Army also has a benefit for families that adopt.  This credit is reimbursable for up to $2,000/child that is adopted.  Although this doesn't cover much in the adoption world, it is significant to us. This benefit is greatly appreciated and is another hidden perk of the Army.


Speaking of money- what about college and other expenses once they get home?
This is the question Ron and I were most worried about before we decided that we could, in fact, adopt the girls.  In about 7 years, we'll have our first daughter entering college.  In about 10 years, our 2nd will be starting.  That's 7-years to save for college!  YIKES!  Luckily, we're very used to budgeting our money right now, and will continue to do so.  We will start college saving plans for our daughters once they are home, and will invest in these plans monthly.  I will continue to work at least part-time to help cover the cost of college tuition.  Although we won't be able to afford the most expensive private schools, the girls will be able to attend local public universities with most, if not all, of their tuition covered.

As for other expenses- we're working on furnishing their room and purchasing clothes.  We will be shopping at thrift stores and other resale shops.  They'll be attending a school that requires uniforms, so that will save on the cost of clothes for the first year (although they'll still need weekend and after school clothes).  We'll try our best to make the girls feel special and comfortable, but we'll by no means over-do it.

Ron and I realize that by doing this, we won't have a lavish lifestyle.  However, we'll be able to continue to live comfortably.  We don't need fancy cars or crazy houses.  I don't need designer clothes or expensive jewelry.  What we do need, however, is a happy family, and a fulfilled life.  We'll be able to achieve those things- and live richly in that category, by budgeting in other areas!


What about school?  How will they learn English?  What grades will they be in?
Another great question, and another question we had to greatly consider.  This was the most important issue we took into account before deciding on adopting older children.  One of the biggest concerns we had was teaching the girls English.  Although they know some English right now, it's by no means strong enough to be in a mainstream classroom setting.  Through a partnered organization with our adoption agency (Adoption Avenues), our girls will be able to learn more English with Learning Avenues.

Ron and I are extremely lucky right now that we live in Thailand, and that the international schools here excel in ELL (English Language Learning) programs.  Over 50% of the students at some of the international schools attend ELL programs.  The girls will be attending a local school- American Pacific International School, where they will be enrolled in the ELL program.  Once their English is strong enough, they'll be transitioned into a mainstream classroom environment.  We hope that this will occur before we leave Thailand.  There is also an Ethiopian student at APIS, who is in the high school.  Having this student around will be a huge resource for the girls as they learn English and the ways of an American school.

Another benefit is that I know the staff at the school as I worked there for a semester.  I know the guidance counselor and some of the teachers.  I know they'll be a great resource for the girls.  AND, I found a true gem at the school!  The new superintendent's wife works with older orphans and helps them find self-identity while working through their losses and grief.  She will be a huge resource for the girls and I can't wait to learn more about her program, her book, and her story.

Back in the U.S., the girls will continue to receive English language support.  They will also receive academic support.  Although they are in school now, they are most likely behind.  Ron and I will help them as much as we can as we have the time and resources right now to do so.  However, we will be more than willing to utilize tutors and other resources to help the girls catch up academically.  We realize this may take a few years, but we're hoping that they'll be caught up before high school.


What grades will they be in?
We don't really know yet.  We're waiting on final word on their ages, and then we'll wait to re-meet the girls to see.  Although academically, they'll be at a lower grade level than their age, they will be at a much higher level maturity-wise.  In fact, they may be more mature than many high schoolers as they have seen and experienced more things than most young adults in the U.S. have.  We will work to balance their age, academic level, and maturity level to find their best fit.  We want them to have the opportunity to excel both academically and socially.  We will be flexible on this, and will be able to make minor adjustments if needed.


Why aren't you adopting from the U.S.?
A great question!  I want to say that we're not adopting from the U.S...yet.  NO, we don't have any announcements, but adopting from the U.S. is something we have always talked about doing.  And it's definitely something we may do someday.  We realize there are thousands of children in American foster care that need loving homes- many of them older children.  As Americans, we would LOVE to adopt from the U.S.

At this time, it really isn't feasible.  As Ron is stationed overseas with the U.S. Army, we are eligible to adopt domestically from the U.S., although we live abroad.  We have thoroughly looked into adopting American children and I look at AdoptUSkids.org weekly.  Before deciding on adopting from Ethiopia again, we seriously considered domestic adoptions.  We even contacted several case workers in the U.S. about some of the children we found.  However, the children must be "legally free" to be adopted outside of their state, and the case workers we contacted weren't confident in adopting out the children to Americans living overseas for various reasons.  Many of the children need stable transitions, or need/want to be close to biological relatives.  We realized that a domestic adoption wasn't in our cards at this time. 

However, our doors are always "open."  If our time, resources and finances allow, we'll always be open to adopting other children.  We both would love to adopt a child or children domestically- and may do so when we're older and have experience parenting.  You never know though- at this point, anything is possible.  We realize domestic adoptions are very feasible, and very much needed.  We don't want to overshadow domestic adoptions with international adoptions.  But we do realize and firmly believe that every child is deserving of a forever home and family- regardless of where they are born.  Both forms of adoption are incredible options for building a family, and we hope to continue to research and consider both throughout our lives.



There is so much more that I could write, but I think these questions address the majority of the concerns we have been asked so far.  We still have a bit of a process ahead of us, and will try to be patient along the way!  I've been working on the girls' first care package and Ron and I both wrote personal notes to them today that hopefully we can send soon :).  Until then, thank you for reading- and as always, thank you for your support!

If you have questions, please ask away.  We're more than happy to answer them (if we can).