A lot has happened in the past week here in Thailand, and I'll need a few blog posts to include it all! In summary, we had 2 amazing families come and visit us, so we were quite busy for the past 7 days showing everyone around Chiang Mai and the surrounding area! In addition, Ron has been getting ready for a shoulder surgery in Bangkok tomorrow, studying Thai and doing some observations with the Thai military! I've been working on school work (ALMOST done with my Master's), volunteering at the orphanage and slowly progressing with paperwork for a job. That said, I FINALLY have time for updates, followed by more "Dear Aidan" posts!
Over Thanksgiving last year, I was at a breaking point with our adoption. I was literally crying everyday, not sure of what was happening. It had been about 3 months since our referral and still no court date. A lot of our wait was attributed to the paperwork mix-up from the orphanage and in all honestly, our wait was still short, looking back. But at the time, I was a MESS. Poor Ron (I say that a lot, but he's been a trooper with me) was beginning to feel helpless in consoling me. When we were discussing Christmas plans, we knew we wanted to travel somewhere. After discussing our many options of travel in Southeast Asia, we realized that there was one place we would want to be for Christmas above anywhere else- Ethiopia with our son. We contacted our adoption agency, Adoption Avenues, and we were told that "Yes," we could travel to meet our son without a court date. Two days after Thanksgiving, we essentially had our plans made and flights booked. You know you have a GREAT husband when he buys you tickets to go to Ethiopia for Christmas :)
We realized that making an early trip meant that we may need 3 trips to Ethiopia instead of 2: 1 for traveling, 1 for court and 1 to pick Aidan up. We realized that this would be a large additional cost for plane tickets. However, we try to live as inexpensive as possible and would rather spend money flying to spend time with our son than having cable TV or a nice air conditioned house (we have AC, we just rarely run it).
After we booked our tickets, we found out that our Regional MOWA letter- the initial letter that approves our adoption from the orphanage Aidan was at, was signed. This meant that our case could be submitted to court! On December 10, 2012, we were submitted to court, which was a huge step in our process!
When we arrived in Ethiopia, the country director, Mr. Alemu, told us that Aidan's birth mother had her court hearing on January 8, 2013. She already gave up custody of Aidan in April when she first relinquished him. However, it is required that a court hearing is held for her to legally give Aidan up while she understands that he's being adopted. This was another huge step and was one we weren't expecting while we were there! Mr. Alemu then went on to say we MIGHT be able to have our court date by the time we left Ethiopia on January 12th. Although this was a slim chance, there was a chance our case might be expedited in the courts. The thought of this was exciting, but we didn't get our hopes up!
When Aidan's birth mother first relinquished Aidan, he was extremely thin and small. It is evident that she could barely feed Aidan, and most likely herself. The orphanage director said she was extremely impoversihed and young. Keeping this in mind, it's not a surprise that she hadn't been around since she gave Aidan up in April. She was probably looking for food, work and places to live.
On January 7th, our agency, who was susposed to bring Aidan's birth mother to court, was unable to find her at the address she had listed in April. This wasn't a huge surprise. So on January 8th, she wasn't at her court date. The judge listened to our agency in their plea to at least hear Ron's and I's case while we were in Ethiopia. After a long discussion, she agreed. To other adoptive families, I'm not sure how often this happens. We are grateful the judge was willing to work with us, but I wouldn't recommend traveling to Ethiopia without a scheduled court date in the hopes of an early court date because there are too many unknowns!
Normally in Ethiopia, when the adoptive parents have their court date, it is after eveything else is complete. Then, the court hearing lasts for about 5 minutes. If you pass, which almost all families do, the judge grants you legal custody of your child/ren, right then and there! But this wasn't our case...
On Wednesday, January 9th, Ron and I went to court. Our court hearing was at 1:30. We arrived at court and waited in a room with 5 other adoptive families: 3 from the US, 1 from France and 1 from Italy. One by one, they were called into the court room. About 5 minutes later, they reappeared as legal parents with smiles on our faces.
When we were finally called in, the judge explained that we would not be Aidan's legal parents that day, but only after the case was closed. We stated that we understood and that we were very grateful for her having our hearing today.
We were then asked the following questions:
"Have you met your child?"
"How much time have you spent with your child?"
"Do you like your child?"
"Do you have other children at home?"
"Do you know other families that have adopted from Ethiopia?"
"How old are you?" "How long have you been married for?"
"How long did the process take you?"
"How will you work to keep Ethiopian culture in your son's life?"
"Have you taken classes on adoption? What have you learned?"
"Do you understand that once your case passes court, your adoption is irreversible?"
After that, she notated in our file that we had "passed," but on the contention that the birth mother's case be cleared first. Our agency was assigned a second court hearing on January 23rd, two weeks from our first court hearing. On that day, the birth mother would either be at court OR if the police were unable to find her, their written report explaining such will be done.
In Ethiopia, for cases when the birth mother cannot be found (keep in mind, this is common in a world with little internet, phones, phone books, etc.), the local police are mandated to do a "search." For this, they put adds in newspapers and on the radios asking for the location of the mother. If after a week she is not found, they write a report stating such, which the judge accepts.
During the police search, they actually found Aidan's birth mother! On January 23rd, she appeared in court and legally gave up Aidan's custody. Then, the judge officially passed us in court and cleared us as his legal parents!
Last Wednesday evening, Ron called Mr. Alemu in Ethiopia. We were told, "Congratulations! You passed court! You are now parents!" We then thanked Mr. Alemu and screamed! We hugged and jumped up and down before calling our parents, congratulating them on officially becoming grandparents.
It was quite an amazing day! Ron was extremely celebratroy and I could tell how relieved he felt. I knew deep down that everything was going to be ok- it had to be ok. Aidan is the most perfect son for us and everything happened according to a plan much larger than us!
So now, Ron and I are legally Aidan's parents. His legal name right now is "Bedassa Ronald Garberson." It will stay this way until we're back in the US and can legally change his name.
To celebrate, Ron and I went to an extremely nice hotel on Monday evening for dinner. Le Mandarin has a 5-star French restaurant. Ron made reservations for us on a private balcony overlooking the hotel's rice paddies. We spent 2 hours enjoying each others' company and our 5-course gourmet meal. It was the perfect way to celebrate becoming Aidan's parents.
Through all the ups and downs, I couldn't be more grateful that Ron and I went through every step of the journey together. It really has brought us even closer together and has made our relationship stronger than it ever has been. We have a true respect for each other, and a new sense of gratitude and understanding.
I have included some of this information in Aidan's journal, but I left out a lot as well. As Aidan grows, he will slowly learn more and more about his story, and always at an age appropriate level. I decided to write this in a separate post to allow Ron and I time to discuss things with him as he grows. I'm sure you can imagine the emotional and complex conversations we will have with him regarding his story. Aidan will always have a sense of loss- that of his biological mother, and have countless questions regarding "Why?" and "How?" I now feel more confident that Ron and I can answer those with grace and ease knowing more of his story.
Aidan's biological mother will always be his guardian angel, our Ethiopian angel, and a woman I truly love. My heart breaks for all she has endured and her life circumstances. I do know that she loved Aidan more than one could imagine- she chose to give him up in order for him to have life. She is an incredible person and one I look up to for strength.
But to conclude, WE ARE PARENTS!!!!! For many couples, they must go to a hospital to become parents for the first time. For Ron and I, we traveled half-way around the world to the amazing country of Ethiopia, went to court, and waited a LOOOOOONG 2 weeks in order for that to happen! Not the most traditional way, but in all honesty, would you expect something different from us? :)
So what's next? Well, our agency is working on getting Aidan a new birth certificate with us as his parents and his new name. That takes about 5-10 days to complete. Then, they will submit documents to Ethiopian authorities to get Aidan an Ethiopian passport: another 5-10 days. Finally, Aidan will have a medical exam performed at a children's hospital for the US Embassy. Once all of that is completed in another 2-3 weeks, our case will be submitted to the US Embassy in Addis Ababa for review.
Once they have our case, we will be submitted into their system. They will look over our adoption documents and also schedule an interview with Aidan's birth mother. This is a bit repetitive, but they want to do their own investigations as well. FINALLY, our case will be cleared and we will have an interview scheduled. That's when we fly back to Ethiopia to get Aidan! We'll go to the US Embassy for a brief interview and then wait 2 days for his US Visa to be processed. As soon as we get that, we're home free!
Over Thanksgiving last year, I was at a breaking point with our adoption. I was literally crying everyday, not sure of what was happening. It had been about 3 months since our referral and still no court date. A lot of our wait was attributed to the paperwork mix-up from the orphanage and in all honestly, our wait was still short, looking back. But at the time, I was a MESS. Poor Ron (I say that a lot, but he's been a trooper with me) was beginning to feel helpless in consoling me. When we were discussing Christmas plans, we knew we wanted to travel somewhere. After discussing our many options of travel in Southeast Asia, we realized that there was one place we would want to be for Christmas above anywhere else- Ethiopia with our son. We contacted our adoption agency, Adoption Avenues, and we were told that "Yes," we could travel to meet our son without a court date. Two days after Thanksgiving, we essentially had our plans made and flights booked. You know you have a GREAT husband when he buys you tickets to go to Ethiopia for Christmas :)
We realized that making an early trip meant that we may need 3 trips to Ethiopia instead of 2: 1 for traveling, 1 for court and 1 to pick Aidan up. We realized that this would be a large additional cost for plane tickets. However, we try to live as inexpensive as possible and would rather spend money flying to spend time with our son than having cable TV or a nice air conditioned house (we have AC, we just rarely run it).
After we booked our tickets, we found out that our Regional MOWA letter- the initial letter that approves our adoption from the orphanage Aidan was at, was signed. This meant that our case could be submitted to court! On December 10, 2012, we were submitted to court, which was a huge step in our process!
When we arrived in Ethiopia, the country director, Mr. Alemu, told us that Aidan's birth mother had her court hearing on January 8, 2013. She already gave up custody of Aidan in April when she first relinquished him. However, it is required that a court hearing is held for her to legally give Aidan up while she understands that he's being adopted. This was another huge step and was one we weren't expecting while we were there! Mr. Alemu then went on to say we MIGHT be able to have our court date by the time we left Ethiopia on January 12th. Although this was a slim chance, there was a chance our case might be expedited in the courts. The thought of this was exciting, but we didn't get our hopes up!
When Aidan's birth mother first relinquished Aidan, he was extremely thin and small. It is evident that she could barely feed Aidan, and most likely herself. The orphanage director said she was extremely impoversihed and young. Keeping this in mind, it's not a surprise that she hadn't been around since she gave Aidan up in April. She was probably looking for food, work and places to live.
On January 7th, our agency, who was susposed to bring Aidan's birth mother to court, was unable to find her at the address she had listed in April. This wasn't a huge surprise. So on January 8th, she wasn't at her court date. The judge listened to our agency in their plea to at least hear Ron's and I's case while we were in Ethiopia. After a long discussion, she agreed. To other adoptive families, I'm not sure how often this happens. We are grateful the judge was willing to work with us, but I wouldn't recommend traveling to Ethiopia without a scheduled court date in the hopes of an early court date because there are too many unknowns!
Normally in Ethiopia, when the adoptive parents have their court date, it is after eveything else is complete. Then, the court hearing lasts for about 5 minutes. If you pass, which almost all families do, the judge grants you legal custody of your child/ren, right then and there! But this wasn't our case...
On Wednesday, January 9th, Ron and I went to court. Our court hearing was at 1:30. We arrived at court and waited in a room with 5 other adoptive families: 3 from the US, 1 from France and 1 from Italy. One by one, they were called into the court room. About 5 minutes later, they reappeared as legal parents with smiles on our faces.
When we were finally called in, the judge explained that we would not be Aidan's legal parents that day, but only after the case was closed. We stated that we understood and that we were very grateful for her having our hearing today.
We were then asked the following questions:
"Have you met your child?"
"How much time have you spent with your child?"
"Do you like your child?"
"Do you have other children at home?"
"Do you know other families that have adopted from Ethiopia?"
"How old are you?" "How long have you been married for?"
"How long did the process take you?"
"How will you work to keep Ethiopian culture in your son's life?"
"Have you taken classes on adoption? What have you learned?"
"Do you understand that once your case passes court, your adoption is irreversible?"
After that, she notated in our file that we had "passed," but on the contention that the birth mother's case be cleared first. Our agency was assigned a second court hearing on January 23rd, two weeks from our first court hearing. On that day, the birth mother would either be at court OR if the police were unable to find her, their written report explaining such will be done.
In Ethiopia, for cases when the birth mother cannot be found (keep in mind, this is common in a world with little internet, phones, phone books, etc.), the local police are mandated to do a "search." For this, they put adds in newspapers and on the radios asking for the location of the mother. If after a week she is not found, they write a report stating such, which the judge accepts.
During the police search, they actually found Aidan's birth mother! On January 23rd, she appeared in court and legally gave up Aidan's custody. Then, the judge officially passed us in court and cleared us as his legal parents!
Last Wednesday evening, Ron called Mr. Alemu in Ethiopia. We were told, "Congratulations! You passed court! You are now parents!" We then thanked Mr. Alemu and screamed! We hugged and jumped up and down before calling our parents, congratulating them on officially becoming grandparents.
It was quite an amazing day! Ron was extremely celebratroy and I could tell how relieved he felt. I knew deep down that everything was going to be ok- it had to be ok. Aidan is the most perfect son for us and everything happened according to a plan much larger than us!
So now, Ron and I are legally Aidan's parents. His legal name right now is "Bedassa Ronald Garberson." It will stay this way until we're back in the US and can legally change his name.
To celebrate, Ron and I went to an extremely nice hotel on Monday evening for dinner. Le Mandarin has a 5-star French restaurant. Ron made reservations for us on a private balcony overlooking the hotel's rice paddies. We spent 2 hours enjoying each others' company and our 5-course gourmet meal. It was the perfect way to celebrate becoming Aidan's parents.
Through all the ups and downs, I couldn't be more grateful that Ron and I went through every step of the journey together. It really has brought us even closer together and has made our relationship stronger than it ever has been. We have a true respect for each other, and a new sense of gratitude and understanding.
I have included some of this information in Aidan's journal, but I left out a lot as well. As Aidan grows, he will slowly learn more and more about his story, and always at an age appropriate level. I decided to write this in a separate post to allow Ron and I time to discuss things with him as he grows. I'm sure you can imagine the emotional and complex conversations we will have with him regarding his story. Aidan will always have a sense of loss- that of his biological mother, and have countless questions regarding "Why?" and "How?" I now feel more confident that Ron and I can answer those with grace and ease knowing more of his story.
Aidan's biological mother will always be his guardian angel, our Ethiopian angel, and a woman I truly love. My heart breaks for all she has endured and her life circumstances. I do know that she loved Aidan more than one could imagine- she chose to give him up in order for him to have life. She is an incredible person and one I look up to for strength.
But to conclude, WE ARE PARENTS!!!!! For many couples, they must go to a hospital to become parents for the first time. For Ron and I, we traveled half-way around the world to the amazing country of Ethiopia, went to court, and waited a LOOOOOONG 2 weeks in order for that to happen! Not the most traditional way, but in all honesty, would you expect something different from us? :)
So what's next? Well, our agency is working on getting Aidan a new birth certificate with us as his parents and his new name. That takes about 5-10 days to complete. Then, they will submit documents to Ethiopian authorities to get Aidan an Ethiopian passport: another 5-10 days. Finally, Aidan will have a medical exam performed at a children's hospital for the US Embassy. Once all of that is completed in another 2-3 weeks, our case will be submitted to the US Embassy in Addis Ababa for review.
Once they have our case, we will be submitted into their system. They will look over our adoption documents and also schedule an interview with Aidan's birth mother. This is a bit repetitive, but they want to do their own investigations as well. FINALLY, our case will be cleared and we will have an interview scheduled. That's when we fly back to Ethiopia to get Aidan! We'll go to the US Embassy for a brief interview and then wait 2 days for his US Visa to be processed. As soon as we get that, we're home free!
Yay!!! That is great news!!!! Congratulations and welcome to parenthood. You will love every moment!
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