Dear Aidan: Day 1

In celebration of meeting our son, hopefully becoming his legal parents in the next few days, and in following the purpose of this blog, my next several posts (21 posts to be exact) will take on a new form: “Dear Aidan.”  These posts will be an account of our journey in Ethiopia for 21 days and of meeting Aidan for the first time.  Everyday, I will post a new blog from a journal I kept in the hopes that the wait between now and bringing Aidan home goes by that much faster.  These past 21 days have been some of the best days of our lives and our travels throughout Ethiopia have been life changing.  I hope to one day put these letters in a book for Aidan to have forever!

Saturday, December 22, 2012

Dear Aidan,

It’s me, your brand new Mom!  Can you believe that?  I can't either!  But I can FINALLY say that!  Today was by far the greatest day of your Dad's and my life- it was the day we met you for the first time, held you in our arms, kissed you a thousand times and told you how much we love you.  It was quite the journey but every single minute of waiting was all worth it in the end.  You and your precious smile, perfect laugh and hilarious personality made everything worth the wait!

The day started at midnight.  Dad and I boarded our plane from Cairo to Addis Ababa.  Knowing that was the last leg of our journey before we met you was unbelievable.  Although we were exhausted, we were beyond excited!  People on the plane thought we were kind of crazy when we asked them to take lots of pictures of us and the signs that actually said, "Addis Ababa!"  Once on the plane, we both desperately tried to sleep.  Around 3:30AM, we started our descent to land.  The plane tracker on the TV screen showed the plane above Addis Ababa.  It was incredible to see that we were FINALLY IN ETHIOPIA!  Once we landed, we were greeted with Ethiopia’s brisk winter nights.  The air was so fresh and the sky was full of stars.  We quickly grabbed our suitcases, obtained our Ethiopian traveler visas and cleared customs.  Outside the airport, our driver, Eshatu, was waiting for us.  We loaded into the tiny Toyota Corolla and were driven to the Adoption Avenues Guest House in northwest Addis Ababa.  We were fascinated by the drive, especially at the number of people that were up early that morning running!  I'm not sure your dad would have been able to keep up!

Once we arrived at the Guest House, we dragged our tired selves upstairs and collapsed.  We set the alarm for 8AM- only 2 hours before we could meet you!  We immediately fell asleep under the sea of warm blankets!  Once the alarm went off, our eyes sprung open!  It was FINALLY the day we could meet you!  We took our showers, got ready, and prepared your bag of goodies.  We needed to make sure that we had all of your toys, books and stuffed animals.  The cameras were charged and we were ready!  That morning the guesthouse served egg rolls for breakfast, but I was so excited, I couldn’t even eat! I think I had 1/2 of a cup of tea, and that's it!

There was another family staying at the guesthouse that day- the Wilcox’s.  They had been there for a week and were adopting Eli, another little boy.  The Wilcox’s were very excited for us and our “Metcha Day.”  They went to the foster home, where you were living, first.  Then Eshatu came back to pick Dad and I up.  The drive to the foster home seemed to take FOREVER, although it was only 2-3 miles away.  As we pulled up to the gate, we saw “Adoption Avenues Agency Office” on the door.  Our hearts jumped.  This was it!   You were just behind these doors!  Once the car entered, we saw the foster home- a 2-storey building where the children lived.  Outside, the courtyard was covered in clothes and diapers hanging to dry.  There was also the family visiting house and the kitchen in the compound.

When we got out of the car, Eshatu called up to an open window on the 2^nd floor, “Bedassa!”  A nanny stuck her head out of the window for a brief second and disappeared.  This was it!  Eshatu was able to film the morning for us, and Mr. Ronnie was able to take pictures.  We waited for what seemed like hours, waiting for you to be brought outside.  At the edge of the building, a nanny was coming down the stairs with you in her arms.  You were wearing a blue plaid shirt we had seen in previous pictures and blue jeans.  You were PERFECT!  You were beyond perfect.  Your face showed you were so brave the moment you saw us- you didn’t know what to think.  It was so surreal seeing your face- the face we had been looking at in pictures for over 3-months, in real life in front of us.  

The nanny smiled and brought you towards us.  I started to cry and I’m pretty sure your Dad did, too!  We walked up to you and just started talking.  You didn’t cry and just kept looking at us.  I know you were thinking, “Who ARE these people and why are they here?”  After a minute or so, I reached out to hold you.  Holding you for the first time was the best feeling in the world.  Everything seemed whole and complete.  You were exactly what I had hoped for and felt perfect.  You smelled so good, and your skin was so soft.  You just kept looking at me with your handsome eyes, studying me and trying to figure it all out.  Your Dad couldn’t wait to hold you, so soon I passed you to him.  It was then he started to cry.  Can I tell you that after 4 years, I’ve only seen your Dad cry once!  He didn’t even cry at our wedding, but he sure cried seeing you.  You were PERFECT for him, too!

The minutes flew by and we still couldn’t believe that Aidan Lee Bedassa Garberson, YOU, were in our arms and that we were in Ethiopia!  It was breakfast time and so we fed you your bottle, which you guzzled down!  You were so hungry!  About halfway through your bottle, I got your first smile.  Your smile was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.  It just melted me.  From then on, you were ok with Dad and I.  

You absolutely loved your lion stuffed animal we brought.  Every time we rubbed it against your face, you smiled/laughed and did a face dive into his mane.  You were so happy!  In playing with you, we were able to watch your army crawl for the first time!  You were fast (and made your Dad proud)!  You loved your colored rings and squeaky giraffe.  All you wanted to do was play and explore.  I think you were excited that Dad and I wanted to play and explore with you.  Everything that fascinated you fascinated us!  You were curious, playful and happy.  I’m not sure if I’ve said this yet, but you were PERFECT!

Those 2 hours that morning flew by.  We had to say good-by for lunch and the nannies came to get you for your nap.  We went back to the guesthouse for a delicious meal made by Hereg and the chef.  Dad and I relived that morning and watched the first video with you over and over and over again.  We e-mailed Aunt Erin, Aunt Crystal, Uncle Chris and Aunt T, Nana, Papi, Grandpa and Mimah with the first family pictures.  We couldn’t wait to share our new family with our extended family.

That afternoon, we went back to the foster home for 2 more hours of fun with you!  Although Eli took a nap (3-5PM was your nap time), you DID NOT want anything to do with sleep.  All you wanted to do was eat, play and explore.  You and your Dad became instant friends.  He adored playing with you and helping you learn new things.  He was fascinated with all you could do.  And he was touched that you became his son and that he forever had a father-son bond with you.  What a special moment. 

I loved playing with you, too.  But you soon realized that Dad was more fun to play with and Mom was the best to snuggle with.  You reached out to be held by Dad to play and to me to be held and cuddled with.  And you kept smiling and laughing.  We learned that you are right-handed and are ticklish- especially your feet and belly.  And when I gently blew air on your face, you laughed like crazy.  It was the most precious thing I had ever seen!

Although I tried hard not to cry too much, I did cry multiple times!  I kept telling you over and over again that you were my son and that I would ALWAYS be your Mom.  I would always love you, care for you, play with you, support you and encourage you.  Knowing that I would forever love you and have you as my son has been the most meaningful feeling I have ever felt.  During these crying times, you just looked up at me with your big brown eyes, as if you understood.  Somehow, deep down, I think you realized that I was your Mom and you were my son.

The day flew by!  At 5PM, it was time for us to go.  The sweet nannies once again came to take up upstairs.  Dad and I went back to the guesthouse, elated, but exhausted!  After eating a delicious dinner, we retired to our room.  Once there, we re-watched every video we had taken of you that day.  We hugged and cried some more (I know, we’re pathetic) knowing you were our son.  Before long, we collapsed into bed and quickly fell asleep, eager for our next day with you!

I can't wait to keep documenting our journey with you!  I hope you sleep well, little one!  And I can't wait for another fun-filled day tomorrow!

Love Always,

MOM  (oh, it feels good to say that)!

My Husband

I know this post seems a bit odd considering this blog is all about adopting while living overseas.  But adoption wouldn't be possible (well it would be- but it would be a very different experience) if it wasn't for my husband.

For those of you that know Ron, you probably already know he's pretty awesome! :)  He's the nicest, kindest, warmest, most genuine man I have ever met.  He's also rather intelligent, funny and a bit handsome!  I could go on and on about him...

I knew I really, truly loved Ron while we were dating, engaged, and even when we were first married.  We talked about adoption on our first date and he "knew what he was in for" by sticking around.  He knew from the beginning that I only wanted to adopt- and that I wanted to adopt several children.  Still, he stuck around as he saw the world in the same way that I view it.

Since beginning this adoption process over a year ago (I attended the 1st adoption seminar in January, 2011 while in vet school and Ron was deployed), I have fallen more and more in love with my husband.  I know that sounds cliche and a bit cheesy, but it's true.

For starters, there is some crazy way that men are raised that makes them feel they "must" produce one of their own.  I'm going to argue against this being a primal instinct, but something that's actually based out of nurture.  To many men, and women, having biological children is the most important thing a couple could do and the only main way to have a family.  But not to Ron (or me).  Ron saw adoption as a way to significantly impact an innocent life in a positive way.  It's a way for Ron and I to devote ourselves to someone the world has essentially lost or forgotten.  It's a way not to make a life, but to save a life.  In that sense, Ron saw adoption as the most important way to have a family (music to my ears)!  There are days when I catch myself just looking at Ron thinking, "How on earth are you the way you are?"  I know he's seen a lot, especially with the military, but there's something else that let's us share in our view of family.  I have yet to figure that one out!

Ron is understanding- VERY understanding.  As I have never been pregnant, I'm not familiar with the wait and hormonal changes that occur in that process.  However, I have been a part of this adoption process, and I can say, it's not easy.  During our Dossier and HomeStudy, I was just a bit stressed out- which, added together with the wonderful weather found in Washington, made me not the most pleasant of all people.  But Ron understood and kept loving me!  During these past 3 months of waiting for a court date since our referral, Ron has watched me cry as often as everyday.  Mind you, this wasn't simple crying- it was very often crying fits as I was tired of waiting, not knowing and not having any control of our situation.  But Ron was there, understandingly wiping my tears away.  Ron convinced me not to fly suddenly to Ethiopia on 2 occasions.  He hasn't been mean, but is always honest.  And he's there for me!

Ron also trusts me.  When we were discussing adopting from Ethiopia for the first time in the spring of 2011, he never asked about the costs or anything.  Although we both work on our finances, I do the Garberson budget.  Ron knew this and figured that I wouldn't mention something we couldn't afford.  I don't think he's ever blinked at the cost of the adoption or has ever questioned/struggled with writing one of our hefty checks.  I honestly cannot say I know of any other man that could be so trusting and open.  He also trusted me to work on saving enough to afford the adoption without effecting our other expenses.  You know a man loves you and your life together so much that he's willing to sacrifice re-allocate the amount of money for a new car for an international adoption.  Again, I often find myself looking at Ron and just asking, "How?"  or "Why?"  But then I know...Ron doesn't see the adoption to having a price tag, but rather being a father as priceless.

Ron also knows me.  He truly knows me.  He knows when I'm on the verge of an emotional break-down and works to make everything ok.  He knows if I'm becoming impatient and finds ways to explain, re-explain, or re-re-explain the wait!  He knows when I want to go the orphanage to play with babies just by the look on my face.  He knows if I'm going to do a not-so-attractive happy dance whenever we hear good news about the adoption (he has actually taken some pictures of these secret moments).  He knows when to fight- for example, not letting me fly to Ethiopia a month ago and reasoning with me.  And he knows when to let go- like realizing me crying everyday wasn't healthy for either of us.  As a result, we'll be in Ethiopia with Aidan over Christmas.  Since the day our tickets were booked, I have had this immense sense of calm where I'm not longer sad, worried or scared as I know everything will be ok once we're together in Ethiopia where we can work on things there.  Ron knew that this would be the best thing for me and for us, and he made it happen!

Ron will also make one heck of an amazing dad!  When we first met, Ron didn't know much about kids at all!  I even remember him telling me a story about seeing a baby in a "baby cage" (otherwise known as a play yard).  Although he knew babies didn't go in cages, I'm not sure he knew much beyond that :).  Well, besides Ron having a calm, easy-going yet determined, patient personality, he has shown what an amazing father he will be.  He literally becomes larger than life with kids.  He will tell anyone here in Chiang Mai that his favorite thing to do on weekends is to go the orphanage and then the walking street afterwards for dinner (some crazy, fun Saturday night, I know- but luckily, that's my favorite, too)!  The first few days at the orphanage were interesting as we were learning our place and stride with the children.  However, now when we go, Ron is attacked by children who sprint up to him screaming, "PAPA!" He wrestles with them, carries them, plays with them, makes up stories for them, teaches them and cuddles them.  It is truly remarkable to watch your husband love and care for orphans.  I know the baby thing gets a lot of women- but try the baby thing when it's not his biological child.  WOW!  My favorite picture is of Ron lying on a bean bag in the nursery with a 10-month old girl he was able to rock/back-scratch to sleep.  And that's where he stayed for the next 2-hours...with a little girl who just needed him to be her dad for awhile since she doesn't have one of her own.

Ron knows this since I tell him a lot, but I really, truly, whole-heartily love him.  I have seen new sides to him and I am grateful they exist.  And I have seen him respond to me in ways that couldn't be written or performed any better, even for a romantic movie.  There aren't many men that would willingly adopt over having biological children, or chose to spend their Saturday loving on some orphans.  There are a lot of great men out there, but I think I got lucky- VERY lucky!

Ron- these next few weeks and months will be some of the best of our lives.  They'll also be the most emotional, scariest, nerve-wracking weeks as well.  There isn't a single person I would rather experience this crazy ride of adoption, family and marriage with and I am eternally grateful for you as my partner!!!!!  I LOVE YOU!

The E-Mail that Forever Changed Our Lives

I don't know why I didn't write about this earlier, but I'm glad I'm just now getting to it!  Thinking about this particular day and recording the journey allows me to relive one of the best days of my life!

Right before we moved to Thailand, Ron and I were able to have our USCIS fingerprinting done just days before we moved.  Our fingerprints were cleared and I-600A application was accepted on August 15!  Around August 25, our completed Dossier was sent to Washington DC to be authenticated and certified by the US State Department and the Ethiopian Embassy.  Around August 30, our Dossier was sent to Ethiopia!

On Saturday, September 8, Ron, Paige, Bleu, Kai'a and I moved into our new home!  We finally left the hotel we were calling home for just less than a month and into our beautiful house we would call home for the next 3 years!  Although we didn't have any furniture and were still living out of suitcases, being in a house with a yard again was heaven!

That Monday, September 10, Ron went to Big C (the Thai's version of a Wal-Mart) for mobile internet.  That evening, we were online!  Before we moved, Ron and I joked that every morning, we would wake up early to check our e-mail to see if THE E-MAIL arrived- our referral e-mail with information about Aidan.  Although we never discussed it, I figured that it wouldn't be until the end of September at the earliest before we received an e-mail.  I figured our Dossier had to be in Ethiopia for at least a month for anything to happen.  That evening, I sent our adoption agency manager an e-mail simply requesting if there was any update IF our Dossier was received in Ethiopia.

On Tuesday morning, September 11, Ron and I woke up to get ready for school/work.  Ron checked his e-mail that morning while I was still in bed.  I remember almost asking him for the computer to check my e-mail, but figured I could just check it as soon as I got to work.  Ron told me he almost asked me if I wanted to check my e-mail, just in case, but then figured it was too early the THE E-MAIL!  There honestly weren't too many days where I actively thought about our referral, but that day was one of them!

When I got to work on Tuesday, I checked my e-mail.  There were 2 e-mails from our adoption manager.  The first was a response to the e-mail I sent the previous day stating, "Please see following."  The 2nd e-mail was titled "Referral."  Now, I know this sounds dumb, but I thought, "There is NO way that this is our referral."  I had always imagined opening our referral e-mail together with Ron in a planned environment with the camera ready!

Still not sure what it was, I opened that e-mail and it said, "Please see below...the child is doing fine now".  There was a grid with a given name, weight, length and head circumference, as well as a list of medications he was on.  Below that were attachments-lots of them!  Attachments of medical records, biographical information and pictures.  LOTS of pictures!  I screamed!  I COULD NOT BELIEVE IT!

It was 8:50.  Ron's class didn't start for 10 more minutes!  He would surely answer my call!  So I called and the phone rang and rang but no answer.  I called again and again and again.  Still no answer!  Out of all days Ron didn't answer his phone, this had to be THE DAY!  I sent texts...lots of texts!  "Call me!"  "We have our referral!"  "Call me now!"  Still nothing.

I know this wasn't romantic or perfect, but Ron, who knows me extremely well, thought that if I did anything else, it wouldn't represent how I really am...I'm IMPATIENT!  I can't stand surprises and waiting for things!  He knew there was no way I would wait and he later told me he was happy that I looked at the referral and things happened the way they did.  I somehow knew that.  So I clicked, "Display All Images" on my screen and waited.

Over 15 images displayed in full-view.  The first pages were informational- biographies, medical records, government letters, etc.  But I kept scrolling down until I reached the pictures.  There was Aidan's face- precious, perfect and more than I could have imagined!  He had hair- lots of hair- a full head of beautiful, thick, curly black hair.  And medium brown skin.  And brown eyes- big, adorable, precious big brown eyes. And a pout.  And a small furrow between his brow!  Everything I saw was perfect.  Beyond perfect.  There was my son, for the first time.  I started crying...and crying...and crying.  I kept scrolling.  When I got to the picture of him smiling I started to wail.

I was overwhelmed with more joy and emotion than I had ever felt.  I was a mom and that was my son- my beautiful son!  I stepped away from the computer to take a break.  I walked outside into the glorious sunshine and took a deep breath and smiled (still crying).  Of course, there were cleaning ladies outside the door when I walked out, who don't speak much English (and I didn't speak much Thai).  They looked at me to see what was wrong and had faces of concern- I'm sure I looked wonderful with all that crying!  So I motioned for them to come inside and I showed them Aidan's pictures.  I kept saying, "That's my son.  Isn't he beautiful?"  They looked at me with puzzled faces.  Finally one said, 'That not you baby," which made me laugh- typical Thailand!  Although we look nothing alike, there are not enough words to describe the amount of love I felt for that boy- my son- MY BABY!

I was then calm enough to read Aidan's initial biography, which has since changed.  But Aidan was and still is healthy.  He was small for his age for American standards, but big for Ethiopian babies.  The more I read, the more perfect he became!  I was able to send our family and friends an e-mail stating we received our referral and that details would come soon.  But first, Ron had to call.

I forwarded Ron our referral e-mail, and then sent a separate e-mail of just Aidan's pictures.  I didn't have class until 10:40 that day, so I just kept re-reading Aidan's paperwork.  Finally, at 10:02, Ron called.  He was on break and left his phone in the car.  He told me he actively thought, "I won't need my phone today."  Boy, was he wrong!  He was thrilled and surprised that we had our referral and glad I opened the e-mail instead of waiting- which I apologized at least 100 times for!  I started crying again, knowing I was going to be able to share this moment with my husband- Aidan's Dad!  Ron grabbed his kindle, went inside his school and got online.  We waited and waited.  Of course the internet here is slow!

Meanwhile, I described our perfect baby to Ron- his hair, smile, eyes, skin and history.  Ron loved everything he was hearing.  Finally, the pictures loaded and I heard a, "Oh wow, he's so perfect" on the phone!  It was music to my ears!  Ron loved Aidan as much as I did.  Ron kept looking, "He's so handsome!  Look at him!  Look at all his hair!"  He had a smile to his voice filled with excitement!  In fact, he was on the verge of tears he was so happy!  After looking at all of Aidan's pictures, we kept talking about how excited we were and how our answer to, "Do you accept this referral?" is YES!!!!

Ron had to get back to class and I had an e-mail to write.  I immediately wrote our adoption director that we accept our referral without question or hesitation.  He was perfect and our son.  I then sent the pictures to family and friends.  And then class started.  During my classes that day, I showed all of my students' Aidan's pictures and shared his story.  They couldn't have been more excited for me!

Of course, after lunch, I got sick from something I ate (something that happens commonly here).  I didn't want to move, was crampy, had a fever, and was miserable.  I was able to call Ron and he was headed up to my school to pick me up early when I was done teaching so that I didn't have to take the school bus home.  Although I felt awful, seeing Ron and finally being able to share our day together made everything better!  We hugged and hugged knowing we had a son in Africa who was perfect beyond words.

Once home, we were able to call our families to share the news!  They couldn't have been more excited!  Ron and I had our newly hired maid take our first family picture together- Ron and I, with Aidan on the computer screen!  That evening, we spent finishing our referral day video that highlighted our journey.

We celebrated our referral of Aidan by having our furniture arrive the next day!  The first thing we did was to unpack Aidan's room, build his crib, organize his clothes and find places for his toys.  We weren't just setting up our future son's room, but Aidan's room.

I never thought my life would change so drastically over one e-mail.  Ron and I became parents with that e-mail and our lives are eternally changed.  Meeting Aidan in 2 weeks will be a dream come true.  We will have our perfect, smiling, brow furrowing, finger playing, belly bulging son in our arms for Christmas!  And it all started with one e-mail with his face and story!  September 11 will always be our referral-versary!

I found this today and it is perfect in every way.  This really summarizes the power of being a mother, even in a bi (or even tri) racial family. 

What can I teach you about being Black?
Not much,
Because I'm not.
But I can teach you about pain,
And how to forgive peoples foolish words.
I can show you how to endure suffering,
So that through it Truth will be proclaimed.
I can love you and cry with you,
I can be the she-bear when you are threatened.
We can live where there is a rainbow of people,
and we can learn to love them together.
We can seek out the truth of history,
And not be afraid of the ugliness.
I can open your heart and your eyes
To the painful reality that comes clinging to the back of sin.
And in the end, I can release you into your destiny,
And wait for you to come home,
With a fuller understanding of who you are
and what you are to be in your life.
Then I can listen as you teach me,
What it means to be Black.

By: Dorothy Bode

Journey to Lanna....

Our journey to Lanna (and maybe Mali) has just begun!  I'm titling this post, "Journey to Lanna" as Lanna is the former name of the capital of Northern Thailand.  A journey to Lanna is not just a journey to our daughter(s), but about our journey here! 

Mali (Molly) means "flower" in Thai.  If we do adopt a sister/twin, then this will be her name.

Ron and I have been working on our Thai adoption since May, around the same time we started our adoption for Aidan.  Although both processes are international adoptions, they are so completely different that at times, it's hard to see similarities between the two!

For Thai adoptions, there are 2 options for adoptive parents:
1.  For parents in the US, an adoption agency should be used to facilitate the application and post-placement visits.
2.  For parents living in Thailand, parents are able to forgo the use of an adoption agency and apply to adopt directly through the Department of Social Welfare and Development (DSDW).  For Ron and I, this is the route we took.

Back in April, Ron met with the director of Thai adoptions in Bangkok during a day-long layover.  He was able to turn in our initial questionaire and obtained our application and check-list.  Luckily, almost all of the documents we acquired for Aidan's adoption were required for Lanna's.  As such, we didn't have to do everything twice!

Some examples of the documents needed for our Thai adoption are: marriage certificate, personal statement/biography explaining family history, statements of income, letters of employment, copies of our passports/visas, letters of recommendation background checks and passport pictures.  We also had to to have a physical performed by a Thai doctor and a formal letter completed (our doctor was more concerned with, well, puzzled by, why we wanted to adopt than he was with our health!  We now need to have a psychological evaluation by a Thai doctor- I can already imagine how this will be as we're "insane" for wanting to love a child that's not our own...)

On Thursday, Ron and I went to the DSDW to turn in our completed application and packet.  However, after waiting over an hour as the Department of Adoptions was closed for lunch, we briefly met with a social worker who didn't speak English.  She called her supervisor, who was off work that day.  After explaining the purpose of our visit, an appointment was made for the following day.

Although this was a bit frusterating, it wasn't too surprising.  A lot of things in Thailand change and happen at the last minute, and there's not always an explanation for things.

Ron and I took advantage of that afternoon and went to the US Embassy to get our final documentation- passport copies authenticated and a formal letter by the US Immigration Visa department stating that our adopted child/ren will receive US Visas after the adoption is finalized.  It all worked out and by 4PM, everything was completed!

The next morning, we took a 15 minute sky tram ride, followed by a 10-minute taxi ride and then a 10-minute walk to the DSDW.  We met with the director who spoke wonderful English.  After about an hour of going through our paperwork, we were told we were all set.  After initial approval, a social worker from Chiang Mai will come to our house to conduct a HomeStudy.  Then, our packet will be submitted to a board for approval.  Finally, we'll be put on a wait list and wait...

We learned the following...
There are about 300 families waiting to adopt from Thailand.
The wait is about 2-3 years from application approval to placement.
Last year, Thailand adopted out 350 children.  (I know, the numbers don't add up...)
The committee meets every month to match families with children.
Preference is given to families living in Thailand.
Preference is given to families open to adopting children with any degree of special needs.
The wait time is less for families open to adopting older children.

We we're on a waiting list of about 25 families living in Thailand...waiting for a referral of 1-2 children.

In Thailand, you cannot adopt unrelated children.  If you want to adopt more than 1 child, they must either be twins or siblings.  And Thailand doesn't like to adopt children to families who already have 2 children already in their home.  As Ron and I thought about this and what kind of family we wanted, we decided to request to adopt a single child OR twins or siblings.

We hope to adopt 2-4 children (or even more later on in life).  We are also open to gender, age and family background.  After working with many of the children at the orphanage who have mild to moderate special needs (almost all of which are correctible), we realized we are open to adopting children with special needs.  At first, Ron was hesitant.  But after discussing that even biological children could have a plethera of needs, he realized there wasn't much difference.  Plus, we have seen the life these children will have in here Thailand if they're not adopted...they will be shunned beggers on the street with their special needs not addressed.  Although Ron realized this may prevent us from getting a "perfect" child, we would be able to get a child or children "perfect for us" in exchange- ones that we could love and give a life that would otherwise be impossible to have and achieve.

So we sat down and made a list- what we would and wouldn't accept.  At first, Ron only wanted correctable special needs- umbilical hernias, correctable heart defects, etc.  He was hesitant about vision and hearing loss, mild limb deformities, birth marks, burns, etc.  However, we again had a discussion.  Ron's fear was that he didn't want our child to have a bad day because they lost their glasses and couldn't see at school.  My argument was that with us, that would be our child's only reason of worry, and if that was their worst day, it wasn't that bad of a day considering.  Soon, Ron began realizing the beauty of what we could offer a child.  Although the military doesn't have that many perks, it does have some...one of which is unlimited health care.  I know- this is a huge jungle of program and can be a pain to work with, but the fact that some of the best medicine is available to us and our children is a gift.  And it's a gift we can share with children in need.  With the military, our children will receive the best medical care available to help correct or address any need they have. 

After those discussions, we really sat down to determine what we could and couldn't accept right now.  A lot of it came down to the fact that we live in Thailand, where we don't have all of the educational and medical support that we would have in the US.  As such, this eliminated special needs such as Down's Sydrome and epilepsy.  However, it left a lot open- hearing and vision impairment, heart defects, limb abnormalities, etc.

We have no idea when our referral for our child/children from Thailand will come, or how old they will be, or what, if any, special needs they have.  What we do know is that we have learned a lot through each other, our time at the orphanage, and through Aidan.  We have realized that a child deserves love, no matter what.  And if we have that gift to give, then we want to give as much as that gift as we can. 

We won't be hearing much in terms in Lanna and Mali for awhile...but when we do, it will be a surprise, I'm sure! :)

A Mother's Wish...

I know it's been awhile since I last posted, and a lot has been going on.  This entire journey has been a roller coaster, but these past few weeks have been tough.

It's been 10 weeks since we first saw Aidan's pictures.  When we first received his referral, we knew the Ethiopian courts were closed, so we would have to wait for a court date.  The courts opened on October 8th, and we anxiously awaited a court date.... Once the courts re-opened, MOWA (Ministry of Women's Affairs) had to look over our paperwork and Aidan's.  Once they felt we matched, they would write an approval letter.  With that approval letter written, we could then be submitted to court for a court date...

But our MOWA letter never came, and we're still waiting.  By waiting, I mean I check my e-mail 20+ times a day, including right before I go to bed at at 6AM when I wake up early just to check my e-mail.  Everyday is a heart break.  Luckily I work to stay busy so the day goes by, but it's tough.  It's tough for me to wait and tough for Ron to watch.

Ron keeps telling me that he loves the fact that I care so much, but that it hurts him to see me in so much pain.  He keeps wishing there was a way to make it all better.  Today, he told me he wished there was a way for me to care, but not let it affect me.  I told him that was impossible- if I care, then it affects me.  He laughed and said I live and love with my whole heart!  

Two weeks ago, we received an update on Aidan (our Friday update).  Prior to this, he was "Kimaya" Garberson.  However, on this one update, his name was changed to "Bedessa" Garberson.  It was still Aidan in the pictures and his measurements fit with the previous ones we had received, but his name had changed.  I felt that something was wrong and it took Ron 2 hours to convince me not to fly to Ethiopia that day to figure it out.  So instead, we waited out the weekend until Monday when I could call the adoption director of our agency for more information.

I was told that yes, indeed, Aidan's name had changed.  At the time, our agency had been given the wrong paperwork and they were under the assumption that Aidan was Kimaya, but that Bedessa was his first given name.  I was told this happens sometimes and it's not a big deal.  Our agency was working on changing all of his documents to "Bedessa" and once that was done, THEN a MOWA letter could be written.

Again, waiting and waiting and waiting....

Yesterday afternoon, I finally received an e-mail with a new update.  Our agency had been given the wrong paperwork from the beginning, not just the wrong name.  We were first told that Aidan was 4-5 months old and was abandoned in a village east of Addis Ababa.  However, with the proper paperwork that came through, we got the truth.

Aidan's given name is "Bedessa."  He was relinquished by his mom in early May of this year when he was about 2 months old.  So Aidan is about 9 months old.  He was at an orphanage north of Addis until he became sick in July.  Then, he was hospitalized and moved to the Foster Home.  Aidan's mom is alive, his father is unknown.  We have the name of his village as well as his birth mother.

Prior to yesterday, I was grateful but sad that Aidan was abandoned.  I was incredibly sad that he was abandoned and he would have to deal with that his entire life.  However, I was grateful in that I wouldn't feel like I was taking anyone's child.  All that came crashing down yesterday.

An hour before the Marine Corps Birthday Ball in Bangkok, I read the e-mail.  I burst into tears and grieved yet again.  Everything I had known about Aidan had changed.  It was almost like I was grieving the loss of a child I didn't know as everything I did know about him had changed.  I was also falling in love with the "new" Aidan and his story.

What hurt the most...well, it still hurts, is the fact that Aidan was relinquished.  There is a strong possibility his Ethiopian mom will be in court.  She will officially and legally give up her rights of her son to Ron and I.  WOW!

In Ethiopia, I know this happens all of the time.   Extreme poverty, lack of education, poor nutrition and scarce medical care make it difficult, if not impossible, to raise a child in much of the country.  I know Aidan's Ethiopian Mom is an incredibly strong woman.  She realized this and out of love for her son, surrendered him to an orphanage with the hopes that he would receive better care and a chance for a better life.

Ron and I are that chance.  However, it breaks my heart and causes a downpour of tears when I think of that.  This poor woman's life is so difficult that giving up her son is her only option.  I know some adoptive parents think poorly of such actions.  However, there is not a cell in my body that has negative feelings towards Aidan's birth mother- all I feel is love....immense love.

I was really shaken yesterday realizing all of this.  How was I going to handle being in court?  What would I tell her?  What would I do?  How could I ensure she knows how much I respect her?

I called my Mom on Skype at 4AM Michigan time.  I poured my heart out and cried- daughter to mother over the journey of my son's birth mother.

At dinner last night, we sat beside a wonderful family that has adopted 2 daughters from China who were abandoned.  After talking to them, they stated that they wish they knew their daughters' birth mothers as they could have more information to help their daughters today.  This was a relief to hear.  When I explained my concerns with meeting Aidan's birth mother in court and what I would do, should do and wouldn't do, they advised, "Just do what you would have wanted your mom to have done."

I thought about this all night.  In the middle of the night, I woke Ron up and we decided on the following.

I'm going to write Aidan's Ethiopian mom a letter and have it translated into Amharic.  It will be titled, "A Mother's Promise" and in that letter, I will explain how much I will love Aidan and give him the best life I can.  I will also explain how I will work to keep Ethiopia in his heart and raise him knowing how incredibly strong and loving his Ethiopian Mom is.  Ron will write a letter titled, "A Father's Promise."  That way, she will always know how much we love and cherish OUR son.

When I was thinking of what I would want my mom to do, I realized we need to help her.  There is absolutely NO WAY I think I could ever forgive my parents if they didn't help my birth mother who gave me up because she was too young/poor/uneducated to care for me.  Out of respect for Aidan, we'll find a way to help her in some capacity.  This has to be after we receive Aidan's Visa for the US.  However, after Aidan's Visa arrives, we'll travel to his village.  There, we will find a way to help his Ethiopian mom, whether it be food, clothes, livestock, something.  I couldn't live knowing that she wasn't ok.  It would eat me up inside.

It's a funny thing, this adoption.  Although our story has changed, it's still special and unique.  I once thought we would be giving a child a set of parents and grieving with abandonment.  That has grown to being given the gift of a connection of a beautiful baby boy with another woman.  Aidan will have 2 moms: me and his Ethiopian mom- his guardian angel.  I will forever be connected to this woman and love her with more respect and emotion that rivals any love I feel for anyone.  We will share the bond of our son and the love we share for him.

I have no idea how the court date will be...I think Aidan's Ethiopian mom will be grateful, excited, scared, hopeful, worried and maybe spiteful.  How can we live in a world with so much when she has so little?  Again, my heart aches and breaks.  I know on court day, she'll be the determining factor in everything we do- what information we receive, what pictures we take, etc.  I will vow to respect her and her wishes as I can only imagine what a difficult day that will be for her.  For us, it will be bittersweet- we will be gaining a son, but through poverty.

Whatever may come, I do know that Aidan is a lucky, lucky boy.  He was born to a mother who loves him so much she was willing to sacrifice her own pain for his future and well-being.  He also is one of the few that is adopted.  This will give Aidan a chance to go to school, have good health care, get a job and have a family of his own.  Many of us are grateful for having one Mom.  Aidan is lucky enough to have 2!  For that, I will be forever grateful for!

The Night of the Scopion King

I know it’s been awhile since the last posting, but we’ve been busy with our move and settling in.  So far, we’re loving our new home of Chiang Mai, Thailand.  We’re slowly settling in and getting our to-do lists done!  We are familiar with the city, have moved into our house, unpacked our furniture, set-up Aidan’s room, and are exploring every nook and cranny of Chiang Mai.

The biggest challenge of the move so far has been the dogs!   Ron literally spent the last 6 weeks we were in the US talking to Delta Airlines about getting our dogs to Thailand.  Initially, it seemed so easy, but everyone at Delta that we talked to gave us different information.  It literally seemed that Delta never moved dogs before (which is not true).  Ron made several trips to the Seattle airport to talk to Delta staff in person, and he even brought the dogs and their carriers for a run-through/pre-approval.  After all of that, Ron ended up making a lion cage for Bleu- the wooden “room” is almost 6 feet long, 4 feet high and 3/5 feet wide (it doesn’t fit in our house so sits in the driveway and someone has yet to come over that hasn’t complemented it)!  It is rather impressive and was cleared through “inspections” of Delta Cargo!

Ron and I were extremely nervous the days up until we moved.  Not only were we moving to a new country, but we weren’t sure if the dogs would be on our flight or how we would get them out of Customs in Bangkok.  Ron called the Thai Embassy in Washington, DC, who then called Thai Quarantine and Customs.  They gave us the go-ahead with the dogs and said that our process would be expedited (which we foolishly believed).

On Sunday, the day we moved, Patton, Christie and Tony took us, the dogs and all 8 suitcases to the airport.  We are truly blessed to have such wonderful friends who spent a good part of their day seeing us through!  It made leaving Washington that much more difficult knowing that we wouldn’t be seeing them as often as we would like!

Once at the airport, we were able to check-in without any issues!  Paige and Kai’a were checked as baggage in the airport.  Once they were all clear, we bid them our good-byes and wished them luck before heading to Delta Cargo to work with Bleu.  There were forms upon forms, but finally, Bleu was all set to go.  He was going to be on our flights, just in the cargo hold.

Ron and I couldn’t have been any more relieved that all 3 dogs were checked in and ready to go.  Finally, we could relax, laugh and take a deep breath!

The flights to Bangkok went really well.  The flight attendants updated us on the temperature of the cargo hold and they all knew the dogs were on board.  We even saw Bleu’s carrier on the tarmac in Tokyo!  I really wish I knew what they were thinking and what was going through their minds during this adventure!

Once we arrived in Bangkok, we were able to clear immigration without any issue.  Paige and Kai’a were at baggage claim, crying like crazy.  Poor girls- they had no idea what had just happened or where they were.  I brought all their forms to quarantine, where 2 quarantine officials worked to clear the dogs.  After multiple stamps on the same sheet of paper and $30.00 later, all 3 dogs were cleared without inspection or even a glance.

Once outside the airport, we were met by another Army officer that is stationed in Bangkok.  He was wonderful and had arranged for 2 vans to come pick us up.  After loading our 8 bags, 2 dog kennels, carry-ons and empty stroller (yes, we pushed that through the airport so we wouldn’t have to pay for another bag of checked baggage- we seemed crazy to the security personnel), we loaded in.  We then began the epic search of finding Bleu.

In Bangkok, Delta outsources its cargo to BFS: Bangkok Flight Services.  There isn’t a cargo area, but a “Free Zone”- a separate section of the airport that requires you to pay and show an id to enter.  After driving around the airport for almost an hour, we finally found the “Free Zone.”  Once inside, Ron was able to locate Bleu about an hour later (thank goodness for his Thai as no one spoke English). 

Bleu was safe and sound inside BFS.  Just as we were about ready to load him up, we were told we couldn’t because he wasn’t cleared through customs.  After discussions, showing the officials all of our pre-approved paperwork and offering bribes (a common thing to do here), we still weren’t allowed to take Bleu.  Ron and I had joked before our trip that if Bleu couldn’t leave the airport, I wouldn’t leave the airport….

Well, since Bleu couldn’t leave the airport and we had no idea where the customs office was or how we would locate/clear Bleu if we left the “Free Zone,” we decided that I would stay.  Ron had to in-process at the Embassy in 6 hours (it was now 1AM), so he headed to the hotel with Paige and Kai’a while I stayed.

At first, the employees were shocked that I was staying with my dog, but I kept saying I wouldn’t leave him (especially after some joked that he would taste good…although Thais traditionally don’t eat dogs, especially white ones (just black), I didn’t trust that something wouldn’t happen).  I was given a “Visitor’s Badge” and was lead to the “Live Animal Hold” room.

The room was actually a small closet that was air-conditioned.  I was told I needed to stay there with Bleu.  The staff brought me in a chair and a large sheet of paper that I could lay on.  In the corner, taking up about ½ of the room, were 4 stacked wooden crates.  Luckily, I didn’t look to see what was inside that night.

Bleu was restless in the room…he kept circling and insisted on lying between me and the crates.  Finally, we both laid down and I was able to get about 4 hours of sleep, using my purse as a pillow and my cardigan as a make-shift blanket.  Bleu didn’t sleep at all.

At 6AM, I went to the bathroom, only to come back to the Animal Hold to find the door locked.  Bleu had locked it accidentally!  It took over 30 minutes to find someone that had a key to the room, but finally, someone did!  That was a scary thought thinking Bleu was locked in that room without a key, which would’ve added just yet another complication to my day!

Once back in the “closet,” I turned on the light and really noticed the 4 crates.  The first thing I noticed was, “REPTILE.”  I thought, “Oh NO!  Snakes!”  Then, I read, “Non-poisonous snakes,” and I thought, “Oh, good.”  Then I saw, “500 live scorpions.”  My first thought after seeing that was, “Oh good, there aren’t any snakes in there” before I realized, “HOLY S***!!!!!!  I just slept in a room with 2,000 live scorpions!!!!!”

I then realized why Bleu was so restless and why he insisted on lying down between me and the crates.  I then loved on Bleu like crazy as he became an even more perfect dog that night!  I sat in the chair and for the next 2 hours, Bleu was able to finally get some sleep knowing I had taken over scorpion watch!

At 8AM, the customs office in the Free Zone opened.  I’ll spare the details, but I literally spent the next 3 hours going from building to building, office to office, trying to clear Bleu.  There were 2 Thais that were a significant help to me, and I’ll be eternally grateful!  After more forms, countless stamps (I’ll never understand all of the stamping), and a few fees (some I’m not sure I needed to pay), Bleu was cleared!  I literally did a happy dance!  But then…how was I going to get Bleu and his lion cage to Bangkok, which was 45 minutes away.

After asking a lot of people and using charades, I was finally able to find a driver that would drive Bleu, his kennel and I into Bangkok for $30.00 in the back of his covered pick-up.  We loaded Bleu in the back of his truck in his kennel and were off!

Keep in mind that all this time, Ron and I didn’t have cell phones so Ron had NO idea what was going on.  He spent the morning in-processing and asking everyone he could if they could call the airport customs to help me.  Somehow, someone at the hotel had told him I had checked in around 10AM, so Ron stopped worrying (even though I was still in the “Free Zone” at that point).  I’m glad this happened though so Ron could relax and not stress.

When we finally made it to the hotel, Ron was just getting back from in-processing around noon.  He saw me in the lobby and I just ran to him and gave him the biggest hug.  He was really confused why Bleu was in his cage in a truck outside until I explained the whole story to him.  He was shocked at how crazy my night had been, but was definitely very proud of me! :)

Once we had Bleu in the room, Ron told me that Paige and Kai’a had gotten out of the room that morning.  Our room had a latch door, which Kai’a knows how to open by jumping up using her paws.  Ron had gone to breakfast and 15 minutes later, he found Paige on the stairwell when he was going back to the room.  Paige was on the stairwell of floor #2, our room was on floor #4.  Kai’a was found on floor #6.  Thank goodness the girls didn’t make it down to the lobby or they would be loose in Bangkok with the hotel’s automatic doors!

The whole story made me laugh at our “kids.”  Despite all of the travel, they were still themselves….Bleu was beyond perfect and protective, Kai’a caused some trouble,  and Paige simply went along for the ride!

I think Ron and I will always laugh about the night we cleared Bleu through customs.  It is now known as the “Night we slept with 2,000 scorpions” and we call Bleu our Scorpion King!