I want to start off by saying that when Ron and I talk about Aidan, we say he's "our son"...."he's our child." We never refer to Aidan as an adopted child, although we readily acknowledge and embrace that he is adopted. For the theme of this post, I am recognizing Aidan as that...he is adopted, and he is our beloved son.
Listening to friends and family talk about babies, the conversation of which parent the baby looks like almost always comes up. When looking at a friend's child, I can't help but notice that the child has my friend's eyes, their dad's nose, and so and so's such and such. It's what we do. We find similarities of our friends and family in their children. Some of my friends take pride that their child is a mini-me of them- identical, except a generation apart. Other friends wonder where their child's appearance came from, as they don't look like either parent. Regardless of the similarities or differences, we're always looking for glimpses of others in their children.
Adopted children are different. Aidan does not share Ron's or my genes. We do not have the same genotype, let along phenotype. We are completely and utterly different. And I LOVE THAT! When I look at Aidan, I am not looking at glimpses of Ron or I. I am looking at just Aidan- the unique little individual that he is. And so much is a mystery that it's fascinating!
Yes, when I look at Aidan, I see his birth mother, my Ethiopian angel. He has her striking appearance and marble-like, glistening, beyond gorgeous eyes. I have her image, her smile, her eyes and her gentle presence forever engrained in my heart (and in many pictures and video). We share the same son, but with different stories and roles as his mother. I never want to forget (or ignore) that Aidan does share many of the same characteristics as my angel because she deserves that recognition (and so much more). But when I look at Aidan, there's much I don't know.
And there's joy in that. Looking at Aidan, I see him for exactly for who he is- as his little, crazy, hilarious, non-stop self. He's Aidan. Everyday, I look at him in awe. Everyday, I watch him in awe. I always wonder, "Where did he get that look?" "Who in his biological family had which trait?" Although I realize we may never know many of my questions, there's beauty in the unknown. Not knowing makes me appreciate Aidan just the way he is!
Does Aidan do things that remind me of Ron or I? Absolutely! I joke that he is Ron's mini-me. Aidan is at the stage where he worships Ron- everything Ron does, Aidan wants/needs to do, too. It kills me with extreme cuteness! Aidan says things that we say. He looks at things the way we look. And I know as he gets older, he will act more and more like Ron and I. And there's beauty in that, too. There's beauty in sharing your life with a child, bonding to them, and influencing their lives. So Ron and I will always see ourselves in Aidan.
But when we look at him- really look at him- I don't see me, and I don't see Ron, and I don't see anyone from our extended families. All I see is the most perfect little person. I marvel in that!
In adoption, there is so much that is unknown. There are so many questions, and never enough answers. Very often, the unknown is the "ugly" side of adoption as the questions burn and the lack of answers ache. But in this case, the unknown is truly wonderful. When I look at Aidan, I don't see the known or unknown...I watch him with amazement as I watch moment by moment unfold as I learn more and more about who Aidan, the individual, is. It's refreshing, astounding and truly incredible- a fantastic way to parent my perfect little person! :)
Listening to friends and family talk about babies, the conversation of which parent the baby looks like almost always comes up. When looking at a friend's child, I can't help but notice that the child has my friend's eyes, their dad's nose, and so and so's such and such. It's what we do. We find similarities of our friends and family in their children. Some of my friends take pride that their child is a mini-me of them- identical, except a generation apart. Other friends wonder where their child's appearance came from, as they don't look like either parent. Regardless of the similarities or differences, we're always looking for glimpses of others in their children.
Adopted children are different. Aidan does not share Ron's or my genes. We do not have the same genotype, let along phenotype. We are completely and utterly different. And I LOVE THAT! When I look at Aidan, I am not looking at glimpses of Ron or I. I am looking at just Aidan- the unique little individual that he is. And so much is a mystery that it's fascinating!
Yes, when I look at Aidan, I see his birth mother, my Ethiopian angel. He has her striking appearance and marble-like, glistening, beyond gorgeous eyes. I have her image, her smile, her eyes and her gentle presence forever engrained in my heart (and in many pictures and video). We share the same son, but with different stories and roles as his mother. I never want to forget (or ignore) that Aidan does share many of the same characteristics as my angel because she deserves that recognition (and so much more). But when I look at Aidan, there's much I don't know.
And there's joy in that. Looking at Aidan, I see him for exactly for who he is- as his little, crazy, hilarious, non-stop self. He's Aidan. Everyday, I look at him in awe. Everyday, I watch him in awe. I always wonder, "Where did he get that look?" "Who in his biological family had which trait?" Although I realize we may never know many of my questions, there's beauty in the unknown. Not knowing makes me appreciate Aidan just the way he is!
Does Aidan do things that remind me of Ron or I? Absolutely! I joke that he is Ron's mini-me. Aidan is at the stage where he worships Ron- everything Ron does, Aidan wants/needs to do, too. It kills me with extreme cuteness! Aidan says things that we say. He looks at things the way we look. And I know as he gets older, he will act more and more like Ron and I. And there's beauty in that, too. There's beauty in sharing your life with a child, bonding to them, and influencing their lives. So Ron and I will always see ourselves in Aidan.
But when we look at him- really look at him- I don't see me, and I don't see Ron, and I don't see anyone from our extended families. All I see is the most perfect little person. I marvel in that!
In adoption, there is so much that is unknown. There are so many questions, and never enough answers. Very often, the unknown is the "ugly" side of adoption as the questions burn and the lack of answers ache. But in this case, the unknown is truly wonderful. When I look at Aidan, I don't see the known or unknown...I watch him with amazement as I watch moment by moment unfold as I learn more and more about who Aidan, the individual, is. It's refreshing, astounding and truly incredible- a fantastic way to parent my perfect little person! :)
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