In accordance with 4th of July, I decided I would write this post about something Ron and I are asked commonly..."Why aren't you adopting from America?" This is a very valid question! We're American. Ron's in the Army. We love our country! Why in the world are we adopting from overseas?!?!?
As a start, we may one day adopt from the US. Right now, Ron and I are focusing on our two pending adoptions from Ethiopia and Thailand. Depending on what our life is like with the 2 kiddos when we return to the US, we may find it feasible to adopt 1-2 more kids. We don't want to overwhelm ourselves and we want to give our first two children the time, love and attention they deserve. We're not saying "yes" or "no" to anything right now, we're just open to adopting from the US.
We are choosing to adopt internationally because
1. We feel any child, American or not, deserves a loving home
2. We want a multicultural family to represent the beauty of the world as we have experienced
3. We want to adopt young children (0-2 years of age) for our first adoptions to minimize "risk" with adoption and to experience having young children
4. We will be overseas during our adoption and for the next 3 years, which will limit our access to social workers, psychologists and family support
To adopt from the US, there are 2 different options.
The first option is to adopt an orphaned child in the Foster Care/orphanage system. There are many children in Foster Care that are not eligible for adoption as their parents or other legal guardians still have legal custody. However, the children whose parents/guardians have relinquished that custody, adoption is a wonderufl option. Today there are 107,000 children in foster care waiting to be adopted ranging in age from less than a year old to 21! In the state of Washington (where we're currently residents), Ron and I could only adopt from our state domestically. Domestic adoption in Washington allows for
1. A newborn
2. A child in Foster Care that is 5 years old or older. OR a family can foster to adopt a child 3 years of age, and then legally adopt them at 5 years of age if they are still in Foster Care
Although we would love to adopt a child/children from Foster Care, our move to Thailand makes this difficult. Many children in Foster Care have emotional, mental or physical needs due to their upbringing and convulted pasts. Some were drug babies, others have history of abuse, many have behavior problems (after hearing/reading their histories, this isn't surprising)! All of these issues can be worked with and addressed, but they require strong support systems, stability, excellent schools and amazing health/counselor care. Ron and I feel we would be doing a child injustice by adopting them after 5 chaotic years of life and moving them to Thailand immediately and asking them to cope. We just feel it would be too much to have a child adjust to a family setting on top of a foreign culture. When we come back from Thailand, our lives will be much more stable where such an adoption would be much more fair and reasonable for an adopted child. for More information about adopting a child in Foster Care, please visit http://www.adoptuskids.org/meet-the-children.
In researching the children in Foster Care, I found it hard not to cry in reading their biographies and wants. Many state that they want a family so badly! Their bios and pictures are sure to pull at your heartstrings!
https://www.nwae.org/PhotoIndex-WARE-dbC.php?tn=3 . Many of these children are older, but are still in need of loving homes. I know it's scary to think of adopting an older child, but I know it can be rewarding and fulfilling! One of my friends in college, Ashley Rhodes-Courter, was adopted when she was a teenager. Her story is amazing and tear-jerking, but what she has done with her life is beyond inspiring! Check out her book and bio here: http://www.rhodes-courter.com/ . She's currently running for State Senate in Florida with a baby on the way! Ashley, if you're reading this, congratulations and GOOD LUCK!
The entire point of us wanting to adopt is to open our home up to orphaned children. In our minds, that means a child that is already born and has been "given away."
Many American couples choose to adopt a newborn. They want the entire experience with a child and the opportunity to bond with them from Day 1. Many families that go this route enjoy being a part of the pregnancy. Many of these couples are also ProLife and feel they are are saving an unborn baby from abortion.
For these adoptions, pregnant women are "recruited" form advertisements to consider adopting their child (Have you seen the billboards that say, "Confused? Lost? Consider Adoption," etc.). Once a mother enters into an agreement with an agency, the mother then looks through the database of eligible couples that applied for adoption. The birth mother reads their biographies, looks at family pictures, etc. before choosing the adoptive parents. Once chosen, the parents are notified. Then, depending on the state, the birth mother goes to court. Depending on her living situation, she can request money from the adoptive parents to help pay for her living expenses and medical bills while she is pregnant. Some states, like Indiana, don't allow this. Other states have a maximum the birth mother can request. Other states have no limit. A judge reviews the case and then says what the adoptive parents must pay the agency, who then pay the birth mother for her living/medical expenses. These expenses can range from $0.00 to $15,000.00 for 6 months of care. Adoptive parents can specify what expenses, if any, they would be open to accepting and paying the birth mother. This is put in their profile for review by the birth mother.
Hearing this literally made me cringe. I couldn't get beyond the fact the the birth parents would have to pay the birth mother. Many agnecy representives tried explaining that these birth mothers often dont' have much, which I understand completely, but I just can't see paying for expenses that may or may not be used appropriately.
IF at any time the birth mother decides she wants to keep her child, she can, up until she gives birth. Some agencies provide "insurance" for the adoptive couples finances in case this happens. They'll re-imubrse the couples and help the start over. However, many agencies don't provide any insurance and then the adoptive parents have to start all over without any reimbursement if this happens.
I called many agencies during our initial research stage and was given the following information for fees:
$2,000.00: HomeStudy Fee
$4,000.00: Advertising Fee (to adverstise the adoptive parents to birth mothers)
$5,000.00: Agency Fee
$6,000.00: Legal Fee
$2,000.00: Paperwork Fee
$0-$8,000: Money for birth mother's expenses
The total is therefore around $20,000 to $28,000, which is the same price for an international adoption of a "true orphan.
I'm not ProLife. I'm ProChoice. Although I recognize the need and want for newborn adoptions, I couldn't do it myself. I couldn't see Ron and I essentially "paying" a young girl to keep her baby for us to have. In my mind, what are we teaching this girl? That she can be irresponsible, get pregnant, and get paid for it? Adoption is better than having/raising a child in an unwanted envrionment, don't get me wrong. But with 7 billion people on earth and already having 157 million orphans, I couldn't see ourselves paying a young girl to keep her baby rather than abort. That's just me though.
So we're not adopting from the US at this time. If and when we adopt an American child, it will be a child in need in the Foster Care system. It will be a child or sibling group who is in need of a stable family, loving home and all of the support resources they need (and that we can provide). When we return from Thailand, we may have this. If it fits into our family, we'll be more than anxious to adopt children from our own country! After all, Aidan and Lanna Rain may want older brother or sister :)
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