Since we first started dating, Ron and I knew we wanted adoption to be our Plan A to build a family- and by a family, we mean multiple children. As much as we love and adore Aidan, and as fulfilled we are by being his parents, parts of our hearts are still missing.
Before bringing Aidan home, we knew we would adopt again. As much as we wanted to adopt from Thailand, the adoption system here in combination with our timeline in Thailand won't allow us to do so. This was very heartbreaking for us to endure, and we went through a sense of loss through the process, especially knowing and loving many of the kids at the local orphanages in town. However, after traveling to Ethiopia twice this past year, we realized maybe there are other plans in store.
We truly and utterly fell in love with Ethiopia, its culture, its landscapes and its people. We couldn't be any more proud that Aidan is from such a wonderful country. When we left Ethiopia, we had a strong feeling that we would be back...we just didn't know how soon! In fact, I remember telling Ron and even the Director of Adoption Avenues' Foster Home (Sister) in Ethiopia that we would be back in a year...to adopt TWO girls! Looking back, this was some insight (this blog post has all sorts of foreshadowing) :)
At first, Ron and I agreed on a year...in 1 year, we would start the adoption process again in Ethiopia. And then we agreed on 6-months after having Aidan home...
And then we agreed on 3-months after having Aidan home. For our adoption of Aidan, we have to do post-placement reports at 3, 6 and 12-months of having Aidan home with a social worker. As we figured we were paying for an American social worker who lives in Bangkok to fly up to Chiang Mai already for the post-placement report, we would go ahead and begin our next HomeStudy for the next adoption- just in case!
During this time, Ron and I talked a lot about what our family would look like. After much discussion, we had decided on adopting 2 more children- a little boy and girl. We had decided on ages we would request and even names! Our families were thrilled, and so were we! We were planning on finishing our HomeStudy in August, sending off our Dossier in September, and hopefully receiving referrals for our two new little ones in December/January, and then finally bringing them home next summer!
Well...
Some things change :)
Back up to January and February when we were in Ethiopia. During our two trips, we visited Aidan's original orphanage, Biftu Orphanage, 3 times. During that time, we played with all the small children. In fact, we even considered trying to adopt a second baby in Ethiopia during our first trip. Before going to visit the orphanage the first time, I remember a conversation Ron and I had. I was crying on the bed at the Adoption Avenues guest house, BEGGING Ron to consider adopting more. I kept telling him, "What if we fall in love with another child?" "What if we find our next child today?" He was trying to be nice, but it was evident that at the time, adopting another child wasn't in our cards...at that time.
While at the orphanage, we met over 60 children that were there- many in need of forever, loving families and homes. At the time, we were most interested in seeing the babies and the younger kids- and hearing Aidan's story. However, the older children stole the show! We brought them lots of fresh fruit to enjoy, and they gave us a personal tour of the orphanage. They sang and danced for us, and truly touched our hearts. I remember crying the entire 2 hours we were there I was so moved.
Now, normally I don't make promises out of the blue, and those of you that know me know that I don't make promises I don't keep (I even promised Ron in our wedding vows that we won't have more than 3 dogs AND that I won't be bringing home any farm animals until we actually live on a farm- and I've kept those thus far- and that's saying something : ) ). That day, the orphanage director asked me to take pictures of the older children and to help her find them homes. I PROMISED her I would do everything that I could to find homes for those children. Although that promise was made to the orphanage director, it was a promise to myself- and something began to stir..
When we went back to Biftu Orphanage in February, my promise was beginning to come true! One of the boys who we had met in January happened to be matched with a family who found his picture on my facebook page! We met up with him again and saw the utter joy and excitement he had because he knew he had a family waiting. I don't think I have ever experienced something so touching and meaningful in my life as his expression through his eyes!
During this visit, we had Aidan with us, and one of the older girls wanted to hold Aidan the entire time we were there. She was absolutely precious in how sweet she was with Aidan, and what a beautiful person she was. We were so touched that we asked a nanny about her- we were told, "We think she has a family." We didn't press more at the time. But we were at least moved to ask.
Again, the orphanage director asked me to take pictures of 3 children still in need of homes. There was a 2nd girl there (who was also there in January) who had a smile that lit up the room and was as cute as could be. I'll always remember her smile and joyous grin when I took her picture. I still remember that smile - things like that make permanent markings on your heart that don't fade much with time.
These two girls made an impact on us. We knew their faces, we knew their smiles, and we knew their need to be in a forever family. Looking back, I realized why I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't understand how children, who are so innocent and beautiful, have experienced so much. They have lost parents or family members. They have been abandoned by loved ones, or relinquished by those who can't care for them. Despite all of this, they still manage to shine with their amazing smiles! Talk about true diamonds in the rough- glittering and gleaming despite life's most difficult circumstances!
At the time, Ron and I never truly considered adopting older children. Although we had asked about the girls, I'm not sure we would have/been able to do anything then. The reason- the timing was off. At the time, we wanted to experience being parents to a baby. We wanted to watch Aidan learn and grow. We wanted to watch him take his first steps, say his first words, experience his first real bath, etc. These are things that are typical with young, first-time parents. You want the experience with a baby. You want young children- so did we.
Since having Aidan at home, we have been touched by the joy of raising a baby. Aidan can now walk, talk, run, blow bubbles, make crazy funny faces, and do hundreds of other things that light up our days and truly enrich our lives. Looking at our next adoption, we couldn't wait to have more little ones to triple the amount of happiness in our already happy home!
But then...
About 3 weeks ago, I got distracted at work and for some reason, I started looking at adoption websites with waiting children (children with special needs or older children). I do this somewhat often, and my search is usually limited to young children. However, on this particular day, I didn't "filter" my search when looking at www.precious.org. In looking at the children, my eyes and heart STOPPED....there was a face I knew...a face I had met and loved. There was one of the girls on this website in need of a family who we had met at Aidan's orphanage!
I instantly called Ron and told him about her. After explaining the website and the girl, Ron was quiet. He was QUIET! There was no, "KELLY, THERE IS NO WAY!" or, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" like I'm used to getting from Ron. He was quiet- thinking- in silence. He then said, "We'll talk when I get home." WHAT!?!?!?! Talk about this? This was for real- a real possibility!
When we got home and latter put Aidan to bed, I pulled up her picture and showed Ron. He just looked at her and smiled. He SMILED! After a long pause, he said, "Get more information." I was shocked. I began an intense inquiry on adopting older children, adopting out of birth order, and adopting girls from Ethiopia.
I e-mailed fellow adoptive parents, I posted on discussion boards, I read blogs, I read journal articles, and I researched what social workers had to say. Almost every response I found was positive- and a huge relief that this could become a reality.
I then e-mailed our adoption director about her with her picture. The next morning, I woke up to an e-mail with her information and a statement- "Let us know if you would like to adopt this child."
WOW! Adopt an 11-year old...at the age of 28....this was getting real...and serious. I called my Mom and asked, "Am I CRAZY!?!?" My Mom, being as amazing as she is, replied, "NO! You're not crazy at all- you're doing something to help others, and there's nothing crazy about that!" Wow- the reassurance I needed.
Ron and I talked a lot over the next 24 hours. Where would she go to school? How would she learn English? How would our lives be? What would we need to change? Can we picture ourselves doing this? What will our finances be? How will we pay for college in 7 years? The list went on and on....but all of our questions had answers and all of our answers made sense.
The next day, I wrote our adoption director an e-mail I never thought I would write at the age of 28...."Ron and I couldn't be more excited to say YES! We would love nothing more than to be able to adopt XYZ!!!!" And that was it! We were doing it! We ARE doing it! We hugged and celebrated, laughed and cried (well, I cried). Four weeks ago, I never imagined adopting an older child at my age- three weeks ago, we decided to do it!
But then something hit...the other girl we met and fell in love with. I thought, "How can we adopt one and not the other?" This was something that tore me up inside and I cried myself to sleep for 3 nights with this thought. "How could we leave another behind?" I knew (and know) that I can't save the world, and that there will always be children in need of families in my lifetime. However, I can do something, and I will die trying to do what I can.
I e-mailed our adoption director her picture and the next morning, we had her information. Ron and I were still on the fence about adopting TWO older children, but we were considering it. We had more questions, and our adoption agency, Adoption Avenues, was able to provide the missing information. I remember receiving this e-mail and crying harder than I have ever cried before. I was so torn and hurt and confused at what society and our world expects children to endure.
That day, I went on a boat cruise with some friends and Aidan while Ron took a test for his admissions into the local university for his scholarship. While sitting on the boat holding Aidan, I just pictured doing the same thing, but with two older girls next to me. And then I knew. In that moment I had, I realized that we could do this. I realized that our lives would change, but they would change for the better. I realized that was the reality I had wanted. I made a decision. It was solid, concrete and made. It was not emotional or irrational. It was an overwhelming feeling I had that this is what we needed to do.
That night, I talked to Ron. Well, I bawled to Ron. I explained to him my reasons and what I felt that day. I essentially said this...
"I would love a baby girl. I would love to be able to raise a little girl, put bows in her hair, have her wear pretty pink dresses, and play dress up and have tea parties. I would love all of that. But I also know that when I'm 90 on my death bed, it's not going to be the dresses and the bows and the tea parties that make me smile- it's going to be the love I have for my daughter and the memories we have made. It's going to be the person she is and the person I helped her to be. It won't be the superficial things."
"Looking at these girls, we'll be missing a lot. IF we adopt them both, we may never have a little girl to play dress-up with or have tea parties. But that's ok. When we first talked about adoption, people told us that by adopting children, we would be missing out on the experience of having biological children. And I agree. We're missing that experience. BUT what people fail to realize is the experience we gained instead- we gained the experience of going through an adoption and raising a truly unbelievable boy. This would be the same. We would loose so many experiences, but we would gain so many more. And these experiences would be meaningful." I cried and cried and cried. I was overtaken with emotion and resolve to adopt these two girls and to give them a life that they deserved.
After hearing me out, Ron said, "Ok." He said, "OK!" I couldn't believe it! Here was my husband agreeing to adopt 2 older girls- ages 8 and 11 from Ethiopia. This is the same man who argues with me for AT LEAST 30 minutes on the phone whenever I say I'm bringing an animal home to foster/care for/euthanize/or adopt out. But this same man just said, "OK" to adopting 2 older girls. My heart swelled (ok, it's still probably 4-5 times larger than it should be with sheer joy)!
The next day, we wrote a 2nd e-mail to our adoption agency: "We would LOVE nothing more than to adopt BOTH ABC AND XYZ!" That was it!
Our adoption director wrote us back and said, "Ok, this is fine." WOW! THIS IS HAPPENING!
So what's next?!?!?
Well, we have to finish our HomeStudy for this adoption. Our social worker is flying in from Bangkok in 3 weeks and our HomeStudy will be written a few weeks after that. We're scrambling to get all of our paperwork together for our Dossier to send to Ethiopia when our Homestudy is done. And then we wait...we wait for an official referral, orphan status investigation, and then birth family/finder court dates...and then we can travel. At this point, it' looking like we'll be able to travel for court sometime next spring, and hopefully have our girls home before next summer...HOPEFULLY!
Due to the nature of this adoption, there are some things that can change, and we realize that. We're keeping the details private and are hoping that things do work out. Ron and I talked about blogging about this journey, and we decided to still blog as much as we comfortably can. I always want to be open and honest about adoption in the hopes of inspiring others to open their hearts, homes and families to this amazing process. Adopting older children is a unique aspect of this journey, and is one we can't wait to experience. I hope that this blog sheds light on a very special set of children in need of families, and provides experience, knowledge, emotion and humor to the process!
While we wait for OUR GIRLS, we'll be busy! We have schools to look at, a room to organize, languages to figure out, etc. But we have some time, which is great. During this time, we ask for your positive thoughts and prayers. This will be quite the adjustment for Ron and I, but it is one we truly believe we can handle (and are meant to conquer). It will be an adjustment and journey for our girls, as well. For them and for us, your support is truly appreciated!
And yes, I keep pinching myself....this isn't a dream...this is reality...this is OUR life...we're adopting TWO OLDER GIRLS FROM ETHIOPIA!!!!!! Looks like my promise to get those children homes meant more to me than I initially thought :)
Before bringing Aidan home, we knew we would adopt again. As much as we wanted to adopt from Thailand, the adoption system here in combination with our timeline in Thailand won't allow us to do so. This was very heartbreaking for us to endure, and we went through a sense of loss through the process, especially knowing and loving many of the kids at the local orphanages in town. However, after traveling to Ethiopia twice this past year, we realized maybe there are other plans in store.
We truly and utterly fell in love with Ethiopia, its culture, its landscapes and its people. We couldn't be any more proud that Aidan is from such a wonderful country. When we left Ethiopia, we had a strong feeling that we would be back...we just didn't know how soon! In fact, I remember telling Ron and even the Director of Adoption Avenues' Foster Home (Sister) in Ethiopia that we would be back in a year...to adopt TWO girls! Looking back, this was some insight (this blog post has all sorts of foreshadowing) :)
At first, Ron and I agreed on a year...in 1 year, we would start the adoption process again in Ethiopia. And then we agreed on 6-months after having Aidan home...
And then we agreed on 3-months after having Aidan home. For our adoption of Aidan, we have to do post-placement reports at 3, 6 and 12-months of having Aidan home with a social worker. As we figured we were paying for an American social worker who lives in Bangkok to fly up to Chiang Mai already for the post-placement report, we would go ahead and begin our next HomeStudy for the next adoption- just in case!
During this time, Ron and I talked a lot about what our family would look like. After much discussion, we had decided on adopting 2 more children- a little boy and girl. We had decided on ages we would request and even names! Our families were thrilled, and so were we! We were planning on finishing our HomeStudy in August, sending off our Dossier in September, and hopefully receiving referrals for our two new little ones in December/January, and then finally bringing them home next summer!
Well...
Some things change :)
Back up to January and February when we were in Ethiopia. During our two trips, we visited Aidan's original orphanage, Biftu Orphanage, 3 times. During that time, we played with all the small children. In fact, we even considered trying to adopt a second baby in Ethiopia during our first trip. Before going to visit the orphanage the first time, I remember a conversation Ron and I had. I was crying on the bed at the Adoption Avenues guest house, BEGGING Ron to consider adopting more. I kept telling him, "What if we fall in love with another child?" "What if we find our next child today?" He was trying to be nice, but it was evident that at the time, adopting another child wasn't in our cards...at that time.
While at the orphanage, we met over 60 children that were there- many in need of forever, loving families and homes. At the time, we were most interested in seeing the babies and the younger kids- and hearing Aidan's story. However, the older children stole the show! We brought them lots of fresh fruit to enjoy, and they gave us a personal tour of the orphanage. They sang and danced for us, and truly touched our hearts. I remember crying the entire 2 hours we were there I was so moved.
Now, normally I don't make promises out of the blue, and those of you that know me know that I don't make promises I don't keep (I even promised Ron in our wedding vows that we won't have more than 3 dogs AND that I won't be bringing home any farm animals until we actually live on a farm- and I've kept those thus far- and that's saying something : ) ). That day, the orphanage director asked me to take pictures of the older children and to help her find them homes. I PROMISED her I would do everything that I could to find homes for those children. Although that promise was made to the orphanage director, it was a promise to myself- and something began to stir..
When we went back to Biftu Orphanage in February, my promise was beginning to come true! One of the boys who we had met in January happened to be matched with a family who found his picture on my facebook page! We met up with him again and saw the utter joy and excitement he had because he knew he had a family waiting. I don't think I have ever experienced something so touching and meaningful in my life as his expression through his eyes!
During this visit, we had Aidan with us, and one of the older girls wanted to hold Aidan the entire time we were there. She was absolutely precious in how sweet she was with Aidan, and what a beautiful person she was. We were so touched that we asked a nanny about her- we were told, "We think she has a family." We didn't press more at the time. But we were at least moved to ask.
Again, the orphanage director asked me to take pictures of 3 children still in need of homes. There was a 2nd girl there (who was also there in January) who had a smile that lit up the room and was as cute as could be. I'll always remember her smile and joyous grin when I took her picture. I still remember that smile - things like that make permanent markings on your heart that don't fade much with time.
These two girls made an impact on us. We knew their faces, we knew their smiles, and we knew their need to be in a forever family. Looking back, I realized why I couldn't stop crying. I couldn't understand how children, who are so innocent and beautiful, have experienced so much. They have lost parents or family members. They have been abandoned by loved ones, or relinquished by those who can't care for them. Despite all of this, they still manage to shine with their amazing smiles! Talk about true diamonds in the rough- glittering and gleaming despite life's most difficult circumstances!
At the time, Ron and I never truly considered adopting older children. Although we had asked about the girls, I'm not sure we would have/been able to do anything then. The reason- the timing was off. At the time, we wanted to experience being parents to a baby. We wanted to watch Aidan learn and grow. We wanted to watch him take his first steps, say his first words, experience his first real bath, etc. These are things that are typical with young, first-time parents. You want the experience with a baby. You want young children- so did we.
Since having Aidan at home, we have been touched by the joy of raising a baby. Aidan can now walk, talk, run, blow bubbles, make crazy funny faces, and do hundreds of other things that light up our days and truly enrich our lives. Looking at our next adoption, we couldn't wait to have more little ones to triple the amount of happiness in our already happy home!
But then...
About 3 weeks ago, I got distracted at work and for some reason, I started looking at adoption websites with waiting children (children with special needs or older children). I do this somewhat often, and my search is usually limited to young children. However, on this particular day, I didn't "filter" my search when looking at www.precious.org. In looking at the children, my eyes and heart STOPPED....there was a face I knew...a face I had met and loved. There was one of the girls on this website in need of a family who we had met at Aidan's orphanage!
I instantly called Ron and told him about her. After explaining the website and the girl, Ron was quiet. He was QUIET! There was no, "KELLY, THERE IS NO WAY!" or, "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" like I'm used to getting from Ron. He was quiet- thinking- in silence. He then said, "We'll talk when I get home." WHAT!?!?!?! Talk about this? This was for real- a real possibility!
When we got home and latter put Aidan to bed, I pulled up her picture and showed Ron. He just looked at her and smiled. He SMILED! After a long pause, he said, "Get more information." I was shocked. I began an intense inquiry on adopting older children, adopting out of birth order, and adopting girls from Ethiopia.
I e-mailed fellow adoptive parents, I posted on discussion boards, I read blogs, I read journal articles, and I researched what social workers had to say. Almost every response I found was positive- and a huge relief that this could become a reality.
I then e-mailed our adoption director about her with her picture. The next morning, I woke up to an e-mail with her information and a statement- "Let us know if you would like to adopt this child."
WOW! Adopt an 11-year old...at the age of 28....this was getting real...and serious. I called my Mom and asked, "Am I CRAZY!?!?" My Mom, being as amazing as she is, replied, "NO! You're not crazy at all- you're doing something to help others, and there's nothing crazy about that!" Wow- the reassurance I needed.
Ron and I talked a lot over the next 24 hours. Where would she go to school? How would she learn English? How would our lives be? What would we need to change? Can we picture ourselves doing this? What will our finances be? How will we pay for college in 7 years? The list went on and on....but all of our questions had answers and all of our answers made sense.
The next day, I wrote our adoption director an e-mail I never thought I would write at the age of 28...."Ron and I couldn't be more excited to say YES! We would love nothing more than to be able to adopt XYZ!!!!" And that was it! We were doing it! We ARE doing it! We hugged and celebrated, laughed and cried (well, I cried). Four weeks ago, I never imagined adopting an older child at my age- three weeks ago, we decided to do it!
But then something hit...the other girl we met and fell in love with. I thought, "How can we adopt one and not the other?" This was something that tore me up inside and I cried myself to sleep for 3 nights with this thought. "How could we leave another behind?" I knew (and know) that I can't save the world, and that there will always be children in need of families in my lifetime. However, I can do something, and I will die trying to do what I can.
I e-mailed our adoption director her picture and the next morning, we had her information. Ron and I were still on the fence about adopting TWO older children, but we were considering it. We had more questions, and our adoption agency, Adoption Avenues, was able to provide the missing information. I remember receiving this e-mail and crying harder than I have ever cried before. I was so torn and hurt and confused at what society and our world expects children to endure.
That day, I went on a boat cruise with some friends and Aidan while Ron took a test for his admissions into the local university for his scholarship. While sitting on the boat holding Aidan, I just pictured doing the same thing, but with two older girls next to me. And then I knew. In that moment I had, I realized that we could do this. I realized that our lives would change, but they would change for the better. I realized that was the reality I had wanted. I made a decision. It was solid, concrete and made. It was not emotional or irrational. It was an overwhelming feeling I had that this is what we needed to do.
That night, I talked to Ron. Well, I bawled to Ron. I explained to him my reasons and what I felt that day. I essentially said this...
"I would love a baby girl. I would love to be able to raise a little girl, put bows in her hair, have her wear pretty pink dresses, and play dress up and have tea parties. I would love all of that. But I also know that when I'm 90 on my death bed, it's not going to be the dresses and the bows and the tea parties that make me smile- it's going to be the love I have for my daughter and the memories we have made. It's going to be the person she is and the person I helped her to be. It won't be the superficial things."
"Looking at these girls, we'll be missing a lot. IF we adopt them both, we may never have a little girl to play dress-up with or have tea parties. But that's ok. When we first talked about adoption, people told us that by adopting children, we would be missing out on the experience of having biological children. And I agree. We're missing that experience. BUT what people fail to realize is the experience we gained instead- we gained the experience of going through an adoption and raising a truly unbelievable boy. This would be the same. We would loose so many experiences, but we would gain so many more. And these experiences would be meaningful." I cried and cried and cried. I was overtaken with emotion and resolve to adopt these two girls and to give them a life that they deserved.
After hearing me out, Ron said, "Ok." He said, "OK!" I couldn't believe it! Here was my husband agreeing to adopt 2 older girls- ages 8 and 11 from Ethiopia. This is the same man who argues with me for AT LEAST 30 minutes on the phone whenever I say I'm bringing an animal home to foster/care for/euthanize/or adopt out. But this same man just said, "OK" to adopting 2 older girls. My heart swelled (ok, it's still probably 4-5 times larger than it should be with sheer joy)!
The next day, we wrote a 2nd e-mail to our adoption agency: "We would LOVE nothing more than to adopt BOTH ABC AND XYZ!" That was it!
Our adoption director wrote us back and said, "Ok, this is fine." WOW! THIS IS HAPPENING!
So what's next?!?!?
Well, we have to finish our HomeStudy for this adoption. Our social worker is flying in from Bangkok in 3 weeks and our HomeStudy will be written a few weeks after that. We're scrambling to get all of our paperwork together for our Dossier to send to Ethiopia when our Homestudy is done. And then we wait...we wait for an official referral, orphan status investigation, and then birth family/finder court dates...and then we can travel. At this point, it' looking like we'll be able to travel for court sometime next spring, and hopefully have our girls home before next summer...HOPEFULLY!
Due to the nature of this adoption, there are some things that can change, and we realize that. We're keeping the details private and are hoping that things do work out. Ron and I talked about blogging about this journey, and we decided to still blog as much as we comfortably can. I always want to be open and honest about adoption in the hopes of inspiring others to open their hearts, homes and families to this amazing process. Adopting older children is a unique aspect of this journey, and is one we can't wait to experience. I hope that this blog sheds light on a very special set of children in need of families, and provides experience, knowledge, emotion and humor to the process!
While we wait for OUR GIRLS, we'll be busy! We have schools to look at, a room to organize, languages to figure out, etc. But we have some time, which is great. During this time, we ask for your positive thoughts and prayers. This will be quite the adjustment for Ron and I, but it is one we truly believe we can handle (and are meant to conquer). It will be an adjustment and journey for our girls, as well. For them and for us, your support is truly appreciated!
And yes, I keep pinching myself....this isn't a dream...this is reality...this is OUR life...we're adopting TWO OLDER GIRLS FROM ETHIOPIA!!!!!! Looks like my promise to get those children homes meant more to me than I initially thought :)
Hi! I don't know you, but stumbled onto your blog and I am sooooooo excited! I was in Ethiopia in Feb of this year and took pics of all the older waiting kids at Biftu!!!!! I am thinking I have pics of your girls!!! Please email me at one80TX@gmail.com and God bless you for adopting the older girls...I have been praying for these kids since Feb!!!!!!!!!!
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