Painting our World in Color...

This post is all about COLOR!

I want to begin with the fact that, for many of us, this is a sensitive subject and one we were raised to tread lightly with.  Please note we tried to make this an open and honest discussion, and I truly apologize if it offends anyone (if it does, please let me know via messages/texts/e-mails as Ron and I are trying to find ways to discuss this topic in an open, non-offensive way).

Ron and I were raised that skin color does not define a person, their character does.  Our life experiences have proven that this is 100% true.  And although color doesn't affect how one should be perceived or judged, it can't be ignored.  As much as we want to say skin color doesn't matter, it does.  We live in a world full of COLOR, and as we once were told, "Not seeing color means you're not really seeing a person."  During our adoption journey, Ron and I learned so much about COLOR and its role on our adoption.  

One of the many realizations we have found is that just because you see and acknowledge COLOR doesn't make you racist, mean or closed minded.  It just means that you're aware differences exist.  Looking around in our daily lives, we recognize male and female all the time.  Is there a difference in what the two groups can accomplish or who they are?  Not really.  But there is maybe a difference in how different sexes think and feel, their life experiences, the way they see the world and the way the world sees them.  COLOR is by no means  the same as gender, but I hope you can see that the reflections are similar.  Having different colors of skin represents that we're the same, but different.

Ron and I are white.  That doesn't make us better or worse than anyone else.  We're just simply white.  Every time we look in the mirror, we see this.  We see the world through white glasses.  We are used to being the majority race in the United States.  Although we can try our hardest to wear glasses of other colors, we will never truly know what it's like to see the world through them.  We can only try understand.

We are adopting two children.  Both will be from ethnic minority groups, which will pose different life experiences, triumphs and challenges for them, as well as for Ron and I.

Our son will be from Ethiopia.  He will be black.  It's crazy because I have been raised not to say that (Black), but Ron and I have been told over and over again that we need to see and become accustomed to that.  If we can see and maturely address differences, than how will our children learn how to do so?  Ron and I wouldn't be adopting a child from Ethiopia if we weren't eager for a multiracial family.  In our discussions prior to adoption, Ron and I talked about raising a child of a different race.  We realized that in doing so, we will never be able to "hide" our adoption.  From day 1, everyone will know our son is not ours by birth.  Our son will know he's different than us from a very early age, and he will be reminded of his adoption daily just by the colors of our skin.  Our son will need to face challenges of having white parents.  After discussing this, it was evident that this was something Ron and I knew we could handle and address as best we could.  But it does present its own challenges.

Our daughter will be from Thailand.  She will be Asian.  Again, she will face many of the same challenges as our son.  She will come into our family with a black brother and white parents.  She will know she is adopted and is different than her parents and brother.  She will realize and face this daily.


During our meetings with Thea and our adoption classes, we have learned even more about COLOR.  For example, we have been told to "COLOR our world."  We were asked to put ourselves in our future children's shoes.  They will be a different COLOR than their parents.  Their natural role models (Ron and I as their parents) won't look like them and they will always feel different.  We will have different skin, hair and eyes.  However, our job is then to find environments for our children where they won't feel that way.  We have been asked (actually, pretty much told) that we MUST find ways to involve our children in as many multiracial environments as possible.  These include: the pediatrician, grocery store, schools, our neighborhood, after school activities, the playground, etc.


The reason - our children must feel a sense of belonging and see others like them to help them feel like they truly belong.  We have to COLOR our world so our children fit in.


We have also been asked to ensure that our children are exposed to and personally know adults of different colors for role models.  As much as Ron and I will be their role models, we cannot completely be their "this is what I'm going to look like when I grow up" model for them.  As such, we need to provide our children with that security through other adults.

Another thing we were told to consider is children's books and movies, as well as pictures around our home.  We were told to purchase children's books that display a diversity of people, and movies as well.  Ron and I made several trips to the good-will to purchase children's books.  We were able to choose a variety of books that included diverse characters.  We found books with animal characters to be the most helpful!  But this task wasn't as easy as it seemed.  It really emphasized that we live in a white-dominated society, which is interesting at the recent Census' shows that this has been changing and shifting.  We hope that with this continual shift, it will become easier to help our children feel a sense of belonging and to embrace their skin colors.


We also discussed being open to discussions of COLOR.  As stated before, Ron and I live in a world viewed through white glasses.  Our children may have different experiences in school, with friends and in sports/other activities than we did.  We have to try our best to imagine their world through their glasses so that we can try to understand, sympathize and be fully open to their lives.  Not doing so means we're not fully addressing our children's needs and being the best parents that we can be.

If someone says something to our daughter on the playground (which we pray won't happen), we can never fully understand what she feels.  We will have to do our very best to ensure that she knows she is loved and that she can be comforted by us.  We will let her know that we try to understand and to give her life tools to cope.  The same is will be true if someone says something to our son.


We have been told to ask questions.  This is a heads up to all of our friends reading this that are not white.  :)  We want to understand what makes the world different for you.  How do you feel?  What are your experiences?  The more we hear and realize, the more we can help our children.  And when/if we ask, we're not trying to sound ignorant or racist.  We are asking with open hearts and minds in an attempt to fully understand.


We have been told to touch.  African hair is much different than Caucasian or Asian hair.  We actually took an hour-long course on African hair care.  Why?  Because we just didn't have a clue about it!  But we're trying to learn.  We're trying to learn how to help our son have strong self-esteem growing up, learn how to care for his own hair, and help him fit into American society with African roots.  In Thailand, we will learn all we can about Thai hair and skin care.  We want our daughter to be raised knowing how to style her hair best and apply makeup that is complementary to her, not me.  It is our goal for our daughter to be proud of her Asian roots, flourish in an American society, and have strong self-esteem about who she is and where she comes from. 


As our son will be black, he will be faced with various stereotypes.  It is our job to try to learn what these are so we can help him along the way.  Our daughter will be Asian, and may be faced with completely different (or even the same) stereotypes.  Again, it is our responsibility to help her as much as we can, and always be understanding.


Although Ron and I have much to learn on this topic, we feel lucky.  Living in Asia for 4 years where I was the minority has really helped open my eyes to seeing life through other glasses.  I know what it's like to feel different, that you belong but you don't, and that you can become very aware of COLOR very quickly.  Attending international schools has expanded my view even further with the large diversity.  I have learned that being the minority isn't a bad thing at all and that many positive experiences easily can result.  In serving in the Army, Ron has worked with every race imaginable.  He is very accustomed to working with a vast variety of people.  We feel that our minds are broad and we're not naive.  We feel that we have a good head start, but that there's still much to learn.  Although we will always only be able to truly see the world through white glasses, we have learned that our lives have given our glasses very strong tints of other colors!


At first, Ron and I really wished that we wouldn't have to be discussing COLOR.  We wish that our children can be raised in world where COLOR isn't an issue, and that we could guarantee that they would be treated as everyone else.  We wish that the world would see someone for who they are, not for their skin.  However, after leaning more, we realize that COLOR is a beautiful thing- it's part of who someone is and where they came from.  We live in a gloriously colorful world and it should be something to embrace and celebrate, not close our eyes to.


Writing this post is one of first of many efforts to COLOR our world, for us and for our children!  Let's see how vibrant and rich our COLORFUL world can become!!!!!!