Some Lessons Learned...

Even though we're at the beginning of this adoption journey, Ron and I have learned countless life and adoption lessons thus far.  I wanted to share some with you...

1.  Adoption makes you believe and have faith.  Prior to adoption, I was a Christian, but I didn't pray often or go to church.  Although Ron and I realize adopting is a very Christian thing to do, we are not necessiarly doing this because the Bible says to care for the orphans or love your neighbor as yourself.  However, we have both become more strong in our faith through this process.  It requires so much faith that our son and daughter are out there somewhere (if they're even born) and that everything will fall into place.  It requires faith that our social worker, agency, US immigration and Ethiopian and Thai governments will all pull through and approve us in a timely matter.  We have faith that Ethiopia and Thailand won't close their adoption doors tomorrow.  This entire process is 1,000% out of our control, which for both of us, is unchartered terrority.  But after meeting so many people who have adopted and hearing their stories, we can't but help it to have faith.  I find it ironic that a very Christian act is actually making Ron and I stronger Christians in the process!

2.  Patience didn't exist until now.  Although Ron and I have both have lived very busy lives, full of events that require patience and waiting, I don't think these past events compare to this.  Ron's deployments were all about waiting.  Our move to Thailand is all about waiting.  Graduating from vet school was all about waiting.  The adoption process is all about waiting.  But unlike the other events, the adoption process is out of our control, with no end point in sight.  We have no idea when we'll be matched with our son or daughter.  And that hard part is, there's not much we can do about it.  All we can do is wait...and so our patience grows!  As does our faith.


3.  Our want to adopt has increased.  Before beginning this process, it was evident that Ron and I really wanted to adopt.  But now we REALLY, REALLY want to adopt.  It's one of those things that the more you learn, the more you find appealing.  The more people we meet, the more eager we are.  And the further along in the process we get, the more excited we are.

4.  Some people will never understand.  Others can change their minds.  During this process, we have encountered several people who are wary of our journey or have stated that they disagree with our process.  We have heard, "Why don't you just have your own kids?" or "Why not adopt from the US?"  The fact is, we're not going to please everyone, and we don't want to.  We're adopting for us and our family.  We have learned that through watching Ron and I, and seeing our perserverence, many people have changed their minds.  Many that were naysayers are now huge supporters.  Not all, but some.  People can change once they realized what we're doing is actually ok, well, more than ok- wonderful!  We just had to be patient for them to come around!



5.  It's not easy.  I know I'm not pregnant with a fetus growing in my uterus.  I know I don't have body changes and hormone fluxes on a daily/hourly/minute basis.  I know I won't be giving birth to my child or going through the nursing process.  I know.  Ron and I- we know.  Even though I'm not doing a lot, Ron and I are still going through a lot.  There have been triumph days when we have felt the world was on our side and we were getting things accomplished.  There have been awful days, where nothing was going well and we were taking giant steps backwards on our timeline with things out of our control.  There are days we're so excited it's unreal.  There are also days that we're incredibly nervous and scared.  On the first day, our social worker called me "Paper pregnant."  Although I don't have a growing belly, our stack of signed/notarized/official paperwork is growing by the day!  There are definitely ups and downs, twists and turns with the process.  It's not always easy or as simple as just "signing up."  But it's worth it...we know it is!  That's what our faith is for :)


6.  There are people EVERYWHERE who have been adopted or who have adopted.  This is crazy but it literally seems that since Ron and I submitted our application to adopt, a magic door has opened and there are adoptive families EVERYWHERE!  We go to the grocery store and there is a family.  We go to the thrift store and there's a family.  We get our fingerprints done and there is a parent.  We go the the Olmsted Orientation and there is a scholar.  Even at work, I have met several families who are owners of pets going through the adoptive process.  There's always this instant connection and sense of understanding.  This has given Ron and I an enormous support system (even if just mentally) and reassurance that we will be ok, and our future children will be ok, no matter what they experience in life prior to us.


7.  It's not all picture perfect, and it may not be.  We have heard our social worker tell us time and time again, "Prepare for the worst and hope for the best."  Adopting isn't getting a perfect, 100% healthy child that you "paid" for.  It's not "build a kid" where you can request every specific quality.  It's hope and faith.  There's a large chance our children may have developmental, mental, emotional and medical special needs, even if the are deemed "healthy" on their paperwork and on first exam.  They may experience a huge feeling of grief and loss about their birth families and native countries.  They may even reject Ron and I as parents.  There are so many unknowns!  Ron and I are trying to be prepared for everything that we can be.  Even after the adoption process, we will be discussing and working with adoption every single day for the rest of our lives, learning along the way.  We just have faith that we're going to be the best parents we can be and show our children love, compassion, respect and understanding.  It may not be picture perfect, but we have faith that it will be perfect for us however it plays out!



8.  It's worth it :)  I know, we're not at the end of the tunnel yet.  But we can tell you that this process is completely worth every tear, penny, second and drop of sweat we will put into it.

Although Ron and I respect and value the call to "create" and "give" life, were are drawn more to saving lives.
The world has 7 billion people.

There are 157 million orphaned children in the world.
There are 53 million orphans in Africa.
There are 5 million orphans in Ethiopia.
There are 58.9 million orphans in Asia.

There are 1.4 million orphans in Thailand.

Rather than giving a life to a natural birth child, we're saving two (at least 2 for now :) ) children that are already here on Earth.  In our minds, it is evident that we, as the human race, have failed in many aspects.  If we didn't, there wouldn't be the numbers stated above regarding orphans.  At the same time, we also see that we, as a human race, have the amazing ability to make change and a difference.  No matter how small.  I would do ANYTHING to bring those millions of orphans down to thousands, hundreds, or ZERO.  But I can't.  Ron and I can't.  But we are bringing that number down by 2.  And that's a start.  2 is better than 1 which is better than none.  Knowing that alone makes this process worth it, let alone the fullfilment and joy we will receive by being parents and having a family.  But just knowing that's we're making a very, itty bitty dent already is a great gift!

So I'll end with this...

Adoption so far has been a wonderful, bumpy, beautiful, crazy, emotional ride.  But it's amazing.   Absolutely amazing.  And if you're at all looking into being a parent, adding to your family, or opening your hearts to someone in need, adoption is an equally viable option to do so.  It doesn't need to be Plan B, C or D.   It doesn't need to cause a sense of shame or failure or guilt.  It can be Plan A.  And I can promise you the ride has got to be as equally rewarding and thrilling as having a natural born child!  I challenge you all to at least humor the idea of adoption for a full 5 minutes and see what happens :)